Bakura's Wisdom
by friend9810
Summary: Bakura is forced to write for the school's advice column, insanity ensues...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh

Bakura was having a very boring day; he was currently sitting in geometry wondering why mortals would ever need to use this stuff._"Card games are what matters in life_." He thought. The only reason he took control of Ryou's body was because he thought he could cause some trouble, that apparently was not happening. There was then a knock at the classroom door. A man with a bushy beard and a very angry facial expression talked to the teacher, Miss Whatshername.

"Ryou, will you please go with Mr. Kubo." The teacher said.

Bakura nodded and grabbed his things, "_What did you do now, _light_?"_ He thought with unnoticeable smirk.

"_N-n-nothing!"_ Ryou replied from his soul room.

Bakura had to hold back form laughing as he followed Mr. Kubo to the counseling office. "Miss Sue would like to speak with you." He said and disappeared around a corner. Bakura sat down at the desk, wondering if there was anything worth stealing here. Before he could decide on what to take, a short brown haired woman came in.

"You must be Ryou!" She said with a grin that almost made Bakura sick.

"Yes, that's me." He replied with a small smile, just like Ryou.

"I'm Miss Sue, the guidance counselor." She greeted.

"If you don't mind me asking, what is this all about?" Bakura asked.

"Don't worry you aren't in any trouble and your grades are excellent, it's just that we noticed you don't participate in any extracurricular." Miss Sue explained.

"Is that all? Well I'm sure I can go find something to join." Bakura said, he really didn't like to have to pretend to be his light.

"I'm so glad you said that because I would like you to write for the school's advice column!" She said happily, clasping her hands together with joy.

"Wait, what? I don't think th—"Bakura tried to argue it; the last thing he needed was to have to give advice to these mortals.

"So it's settled! You'll start tomorrow! Thank you so much, here let me write you a pass for your next class." Miss Sue said with a smile.

A/N so here is a very, very short intro to the story. So Bakura has an advice column, please review and drop a question if you want Bakura's advice.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, I know it's shocking

Three days after the lovely conversation with the guidance counselor Bakura was looking at a small box full of questions submitted by students. The column was called "Ask Florence." Why they picked such an awful name was beyond Bakura.

"_You know you could just let me write the column, I'm probably better at giving advice then you." _Ryou said from his soul room.

"_No, I will do it."_ Bakura thought. He picked up the first piece of paper from the box and read it. He smirked at the question.

Dear Florence,

I have to hang around with these girls my age and they're too happy and  
bright, what should I do to get rid of them, please help before I get put in  
jail for murdering them xD ;)

From- Girl with violent tendencies

"_Maybe this won't be that bad after all." _He thought as he began to write his reply.

Dear Girl with violent tendencies,

Let me start off by saying I don't dislike your name. Unfortunately happy, cheerful, teenage girls are the hardest things to get rid of. I have to deal with fan girls every day, luckily for me I have the Shadow Re-I mean hair spray, yes hair spray if you spray it in their eyes they will probably run away in pain. Honestly, there are ways to escape imprisonment so it is possible that you could murder them, but seeing as this is for school I can't discuss that.

-Florence

Dear Florenceizzle,

So my friend's, friend's, cousin's boyfriend heard from some guy at a Wal-Mart that my girlfriend is cheating on me, what should I do?

-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You are very lucky you didn't put down your name because anyone who is stupid enough to say 'Florenceizzle' deserves to die. As for your question, confront her about it, but seeing as you got this information from some random person at Wal-Mart I wouldn't do anything.

-Florence

Dear Spiderman,

My friends sometimes think I am the useless one in the group, but I'm not! My voice gives me super strength!

-Tristan

Dear Tristan,

They think you're useless because you are useless and very stupid.

-Florence

Dear Florence,

You got to help me! In the future card games are played on motorcycles! We cannot let this happen!

-Panic

Dear Panic,

Please, card games on motorcycles? Like that would ever happen.

-Florence

Dear Florence,

I really like this guy but it's like he has two personalities, one is nice and quiet while the other is strong, dark and handsome. I don't know what to do, any advice.

-Dancer4life

Dear Tea,

I absolutely refuse to give out love advice for you and the Pharaoh. I would rather be sent to the Shadow Realm with the Jonas Brothers then help you with your love life. Next time come up a less obvious name.

-Florence

Dear Fluf—I mean Florence,

What should my favorite color be? I really like the color pink but I also like the color purple! You know what else I like? Bunnies!

-ElevatorAdd

Dear ElevatorAdd,

I know who you are and you will pay.

-Florence

Bakura looked at the box; there was only one more question left. He was very happy that the column wasn't as painful as he thought it would be. Except that last one, Ra how he hated rabbits. He read the last question and quickly replied.

Dear Florence,

I used to love Duel Monsters but now I don't like to play it anymore. I am now trying to find a new game to play. Any suggestions?

-Gamer

Dear Gamer,

Duel Monsters is the best game ever. There is nothing better than a nice simple children's card game. You must not give up on Duel Monsters or you will be in trouble, I'll hunt you down myself. So the answer is no, I do not have any suggestions.

-Florence

A/N: So there will go chapter 1, I wrote this kind of fast because something unexpected came up. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, please keep them coming!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh**

**Dear Florence,**

Some people tell me I'm random, and crazy, and weird, and- Ooh, a penny!- and random, and... ERM, what was I talking about again? OH YEAH. Do you think the sky is blue? Or, if you prefer to answer this one, why am I so hyper? TELL ME NOW.

- SmartiesWithSugar

Dear SmartiesWithSugar,

I'm bored so I will answer both of your idiotic questions. I think the sky is really black with red clouds. Going by you name I would have to say the reason you are so hyper is because you had sugar or maybe you are just insane.

Yours Truly,

Florence.

**Dear Florence-man,**

So I know this girl who refuses to leave me alone. Can you tell me some ways to get rid of her? XDXD

-that person who's been stalking you

Dear that person who's been stalking you,

I definitely hope you are not stalking me because you would be in a deep load of trouble. I don't get along well with stalkers, they are too stalkerish. Also the 'Florence-man' is stupid, just saying. Anyways back to your question, you have a stalker yourself I see. One way to get rid of her would be to punch her in the face and run away, if that doesn't work you're not the violent type get someone else (like me for a price) to get rid of her for you.

Yours truly,

Florence

**Dear Florence,**

** Can you make it so that I have a snow day tomorrow?**

** -author of this story**

Dear author of this story,

Your name is weird and I'm sorry but I do not have the power to make it a snow day, if I did no one would have to go to school.

-Florence

**Dear Flo,**

** First off I love your column it's so funny! Alright I have two questions, why did you decide to write an advice column and do you like penguins?**

** -Person**

Dear Person,

Thank you for liking this awful column, and never call me Flo again or you will regret it. I'm only writing this because I was forced against my will. Also Penguins are the best thing ever. They are freaking penguins! I mean they are almost as awesome as me and that's saying a lot.

-Florence

**Dear Mr. Florence,**

** If you were trying to catch a serial killer and it's been over a year and you still don't have any leads, what would you do?**

** -L**

Dear L,

This reminds of something-oh well never mind. I would probably just give up and move on with life.

-Florence

**Dear Binky Boy—um I mean Florence!**

** I have a Millennium Item and you don't!**

** -Rod**

Dear Marik,

You truly are an idiot, just when I think you can't get any stupider you prove me wrong. I do have a Millennium Item you moron! Ever hear of something called the Millennium Ring? Yeah I have that and I just stole the Millennium Rod so take that!

-Florence

**Dear Florence.**

** My friend is trapped in a children's card, what should I do?**

** -Help!**

Dear Help,

I would leave the person there, you are probably better off without them.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

** Looking through my IPod I've realized that I need to find some new songs to listen to, any suggestions?**

** -Killjoy**

Dear Killjoy,

Finally a question that doesn't make me want to tear my eyes out. As for song suggestions, I say Vampire Money by My Chemical Romance or anything by Green Day. Also listen to Lady Gaga because she is just amazing.

-Florence

**Dear Florence the fluffiest,**

** You seem like you have some issues,why are you so hostile in your replies?**

** -Addie**

Dear Addie,

Maybe I'm hostile because I don't want to write this stupid column but I'm forced to or maybe it is because no one can ask a decent question, or maybe just maybe it's because Marik ate the last piece of pie that I was looking forward to, take your pick.

-Florence

**A/N : Thank you guys so much for the reviews, please review again! They honestly make my day. Also feel free to ask Bakura a question!**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh

**Dear Florence,**

I have this sort of split personality and she's completely insane! Plus she keeps on raving about this place called the Shadow Realm 'WTF?', I was wondering, is there any way to get rid of her? She's put 3 of my friends in a coma!

Thanks, Phoenix 

Dear Phoenix,

Sounds to me like you have a sprit inside you, or you are insane, or both. I'm not sure on how to get rid of her; even if I did I wouldn't tell you. Good luck with that.

From, Florence

**Dear Florence, **

** Everyone thinks I'm a geek, but I'm not! So how do I prove that I'm a cool cat?**

** -Nerd**

Dear Nerd,

First of all anyone who signs their name as Nerd and uses the phrase 'cool cat' probably is a geek. All of this does not matter however because you shouldn't care what other people think about you. Yes that is the best advice I have given throughout this whole thing,

From, Florence

**Dear flourence-san**

my boyfriend's parents won't let us be together and it really pisses me off, how do I make them like me?

From Eternal Mist

Dear Eternal Mist,

I would forget what they say and not care. Who cares what they think? As long as you and the idiot who apparently likes you are together, who the hell cares about the parents? Also would love to point out the fact that my name is not Flourence.

From, Florence

**Dear Florence,**

**I'm always bored in my classes, any tips on how to kill time?**

** -Bored**

Dear Bored,

You have a real original name there. A few things that I have fun to do is doodle, throw things at the teacher when he or she is not looking, disrupt the class, skip class, or throe things at the teacher when he or she is looking.

-Florence

**Dear Florence, goddness of the shadows,**

would you mind getting married to this really cute guy with white hair ?

You need to answer honestly, because I don`t am able to guess your gender XP

Nope, not really, I think you`re a guy, but this boy I'm talking about, from the neighbor-class, he seems always so lonely...I think he´s called Roy Bakura, no, Ryou Battara, scratch that, Rai Bukra...well, I think you know who I mean! ~*^^*~

TOD ZUYO, insane fangirl of Bakushipping

Dear TOD ZUYO,

I really liked the beginning of the letter, goddness of the shadows who doesn't love that? That's when I read the question, would I want to be married to the person you're talking about? You will never know, but seeing how things are right now that would be very complicated.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

** I'm very offended by your reply to my question, I am not this Marik you speak of my name is…Mark, yeah Mark! Also you lied about stealing the Millennium Rod because I have it right here! Wait….where is-? You thief! Give me the rod back!**

** -Mark**

Dear Marik,

Mark? Really? How stupid do you think I am? Actually do not answer that. You might want to face the fact that you are never going to get the Rod back.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

** I keep seeing these spirits called Hollows and I am suppose to defeat this guy but I don't think I can beat him. What should I do?**

** -Ichigo**

Dear Ichigo,

Give up and see a psychiatrist, seeing things called Hollows aren't probably the best thing in the world, go get some help kid.

-Florence

**Dear Lawrence, **

** Your column is the worst thing I have ever read, all you do is degrade people and make them feel worthless, keep up the good work. I suppose I should ask a question so here we go…what is your favorite duel monster?**

** -BlueEyes**

Dear BlueEyes,

Thank you for the kind words, I try to be as nasty as possible in my replies. My favorite duel monster is hmmm this is a hard question there are so many! I do like Dark Necrofear but there is also the Egyptian god cards and Kuriboh! Who could forget little Kuriboh!

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

** Can I have a hug?**

** -Bob**

Dear Bob,

No.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

** Help! Mutated ants are after me!**

** -asdfghjkl;**

Dear asdfghjkl;,

I am not going to ask but it sucks to be you.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

My softball coach is a total arsehole and scheduled practices in dead winter. How should I kill him?

** -Partners-N-Crime**

Dear Partners-N-Crime,

I like your name it's interesting. There are many, many wonderful ways to kill the person, but the school won't let me discuss that in this column apparently it would be to gruesome so I suggest you find someone to kill him for you.

-Florence

Bakura looked at his reply and smiled, this wasn't a bad idea after all. That's when Ryou began to want control of the body. _"Come on Bakura let me answer at least one question!" Ryou said._

"_Fine, only one." _Bakura said and Ryou took control he reached into the box and pulled out a question, after reading it he turned ten different shades of red.

**Dear Florence,**

Everyone thinks my breasts are fake! Clearly I have just been gifted with many great assets ... it just happens that two of them are big enough to crush small puppies. How do I convince them that they're real?

****

- My milkshake brings all the boys to the duel

Dear My milkshake brings all the boys to the duel

I am kind of at loss for words; I honestly have no idea what to say. Um um um okay bye!

-Florence

"_Good job Ryou you officially made Florence look like a complete moron, there were so many amazing ways I could've replied to that." _Bakura said from his soul room, but he was regaining control.

"Yes, you should just keep writing the replies." Ryou said shyly, and then Bakura took control again.

**Dear Florence, **

** I met this guy in an elevator he has fluffy white hair like a furby so that is his nickname either that or fluffy but I need a new nickname for him, any suggestions?**

** -Addie**

Dear Addie,

How about you just call the guy by his name before he kills you or sends you to the Shadow Realm?

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

** My friend keeps stealing things; she even earned the name 'klepto queen' from my other friends. I really don't mind her habit I just don't want her to get into trouble, any advice? **

** -Klepto's friend**

Dear Klepto's friend,

Keep letting her steal the worst case scenario is she gets caught but that's her fault. If she truly is the so called 'queen' then she will not get caught so there is really nothing to fear. As long as she doesn't try to steal from me it's okay.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

Donuts. And Mustard.

Also you're a kitty

** -Polly**

Dear Polly,

You are insane.

-Florence

**A/N : There you have it, chapter 4! Thank you guys so much for the reviews! You all deserve a cupcake! Don't forget your questions!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh**

**Dear Florence,**

I have someone who won't leave me alone. Can you tell me how to get rid of him nonviolently (Or should I just buy a chainsaw since I would be doing the world a big favor by getting rid of him)? It's just that I don't want to get caught. I hear from my brother that prison sucks and I would like to avoid it if I can.

What is the most awesome thing in the universe (Aside from the obvious things like Duel Monsters and making people suffer) in your mind?

...Marik is really the dumbest guy ever. And that's saying something, since most of the people in my town are on my 'To Kill' list for being complete morons.

Please insult Marik on my behalf,

-AxeMurderess

Dear AxeMurderess,

Nice name. I would just buy a chainsaw if it makes life easier. Remember everyone, violence is always the answer. Trust me, you won't get caught unless you're a idiot. The most awesome thing in the universe besides Duel Monsters and making people suffer would have to be pandas because they are pandas! You don't get better then pandas! Yes, Marik is the dumbest guy ever.

-Florence

**Dear Florence-boy,**

What say you and I meet up on my private island? Just you, me and my super rare Uncut Super Deluxe Sing-along Spice World the Movie!

- One Eyed Willy

Dear One Eyed Willy,

How about we meet in the Shadow Realm? You'll love it there. You truly are an moron why would I want to watch that movie with you when I already have a copy and watch it every night with-wait never mind I don't own the super rare Uncut Super Deluxe Sing-along Spice World the Movie! I do not! That would be ridiculous.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

Do you like pie? If so, what is your favorite flavor? And have you ever eaten frozen creampuffs? Creampuffs are quite good, frozen...

-ILovePieSoMuch

Dear ILovePieSoMuch,

Yes I do enjoy pie, it is very yummy. As for my favorite kind of pie I would have to say apple or blood. What? Never had blood pie before? It is delicious. No I haven't had these frozen creampuffs but they sound interesting.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

**Now I have been having some very angst issues where I want to kill all of the students because I think it would please me and make my life better. Should I be an assassin?**

**-Krazynkuki**

Dear Krazynkuki,

If that is what you want to be then go for it. I see no problem with becoming an assassin, it looks like a lot of fun. As long as you don't attempt to kill me (which you would utterly fail at) or get caught I'm fine with it.

-Florence

**Dear Godness of Shadows,**

Why don`t you tell me then? XD

Aaand~ tell this Marik guy, he needs better nicknames, this one was stupid! (honestly, just a letter short from his real name?)

And don`t worry! My crazy awesomeness has found a new partner for this white haired guy! There is this boy (maybe just 10-12 years of age) with three-colored hair and a strong personality!

(I only heard his friends call him by his nickname: Pharaoh!)

What do you think?

****

TOD ZUYO, insane fangirl of Bakushipping

Dear TOD ZUYO,

Again I really enjoyed the beginning of the letter but this question was just stupid. Why do you keep trying to set me up with people? I would never go out with the person you are describing! I hate him more than the Jonas Brothers and that is a lot. Besides I'm taken.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

Is it me, or do people generally lack common sense?

-Talow

Dear Talow,

Yes people do lack common sense, and they also lack intelligence in general. In one of my classes a student thought Canada was part of the United States and that Spain was in North America, it was pretty sad.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

My name is not Polly!

BTW do you have a secret crush on Yami?

That's right I saw you looking at him.

Signing out:

'sGrillez

Dear 'sGrillez (a.k.a Polly),

Well you look like a Polly and I don't think you wrote your name down so I called you Polly, honestly I couldn't care less what your name is. Do I have a crush on Yami? No I cannot stand that *long line of expletives that was cut out of the school newspaper* and who are you? My personal stalker? If I looked at Yami I was probably glaring and thinking of painful ways to kill him.

-Florence

**Florence,**

Thanks for the brilliant advice *sarcasm* But now i have a real problem, I like this dude who goes on about a guy named fluffy or some shit like that, two questions: Is he gay and how the hell do I kill my competition *evil smirk* :]

Phoenix out bitch! :P

Dear Phoenix,

Well let's see the guy talks about another man named 'fluffy', to me that sounds like he is gay but maybe he isn't (though I am never wrong especially with my gaydar) As for killing your competition I wouldn't try, this fluffy sounds super special awesome and could send you to the Shadow Realm.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

**Have you ever had chocolate covered pretzels? They have chocolate on them! CHOCOLATE! You know how amazing chocolate is?**

** -Mello**

Dear Mello,

Are you okay? Yes I know how great chocolate is but I think you are a little obsessed.

**Dear Florence,**

**I don't need the rod anymore, for I have the Pharaoh's leather pants! And to all those people who have said that I am dumb, you are very mean!**

** -Mari**

Dear Marik,

You are really happy that you have the Pharaoh's pants? Besides, the source of his power comes from his leather shoes, idiot.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

**I have made an abridged series and have a ton of fans, but I never update and some are getting angry. What should I do?**

**-KL**

Dear KL,

Why don't you try updating?

-Florence

A/N yay there's chapter five! Thanks to all the reviewers, you all are amazing! xD


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh**

**Dear Florence,**

**Is their anyway to get people to actually oh I don't know, THINK for once in their lives... It's getting sickeningly annoying when people don't think and makes things way harder then they need to be.**

**-Talow**

Dear Talow,

I really wish I knew how to get people to think, this is one of the reasons I hate those pathetic mortals. People are just stupid, if anyone finds a way to get people to think please let me know.

**Dear Hot White tiger Thief!**

**My friends call me weird cause they don't like the fact I love yaoi and always carry a doujinshi in my backpack (Which has a yaoi show on it). So now they're scared that I might play "Cupid" and pair them with each other. (I hang with boys.) What should I do, I don't like making people upset. By the way, I'm a girl.**

**-Howling Spirit**

Dear Howling Spirit,

First off who cares if you upset people? Upsetting people is fun I do it daily. Just don't play cupid with your friends and try to keep your yaoi obsession to a minimum around them.

**Dear King of Darkness, **

**How do you send someone to the Shadow Realm without a Millennium item?**

**-Ekadra**

Dear Ekadra,

You can't, you need a Millennium Item. Good thing I have one.

**Dear Florence,**

**So who exactly are you taken by? (and my issues with my softball coach are over =w= I pushed him off a cliff. muahaha...)**

**-Partners-N-Crime**

Dear Partners-N-Crime,

I'm glad to hear that about your softball coach, I always love hearing about people's pain. As for your question (Not that it's an advice question, moron.) I am taken by-

**Dear Florence,**

**I challenge you to a turbo duel!**

**-Yusei.**

Dear Yusei,

Card games on motorcycles? Please that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of.

**Dear Florence,**

**Nobody ever seems to listen to me! All they ever do is tell me to shut up. How do I get people to start listening to me?**

**-Mokubamobileisreal**

Dear Mokubamobileisreal,

Try stabbing them with a knife that might work. Any form of violence usually gets people's attention. Maybe you are just so annoying that people don't want to listen to you, I don't blame them.

**Dear Florence,**

**Yeah... I have a friend that keeps on stealing things. Her nickname is The Thief Queen. She stole $1000 dollars from me. When I challenged her to a duel, she laughed and said,"Haha. I am better than Yugi, Seto combined. I don't count Marik cause he is a retard. I also don't count Bakura cause he's cool." Any suggestions?**

**-Duelist of the Dead**

Dear Duelist of the Dead,

Your friend sounds pretty awesome, though she is not the Thief Queen. Sounds like you are an idiot to let your so-called "friend" steal $1000 from you. But she has one thing right Bakura is cool, I would even like to duel her sometime.

**Dear Florence,**

**Thanks for the advice but now I have another problem. Can teach me how to kill because I don't think ill be able to do it right. Also and I don't mean to be personal but are you fucking Bakura Ryou or torturing or both. Matter of fact I have this cute dagger that I am willing to sell -because I realized that I like needles- and was wondering if you'd by it? Will you? Also I don't plan to assassinate you I am not stupid like most people a.k.a humans and low lifes. **

**-KrazynKuki**

Dear KrazynKuki,

No I will not teach you how to kill because of that stupid question about this person named Ryou. Good for liking needles they are fun to torture with. No thanks I have plenty of other daggers to use and I don't have to buy anything, I just steal.

**Dear Florence,**

**One day my friends and me were talking when the crazy question "If Marik and Yami Bakura had a baby, which one would get pregnant?" popped into my head. We have been debating this for a couple weeks now and I was wondering what your opinion on the matter was (and just in case you didn't know, they're both guys from a show called Yu-Gi-Oh). **

**-YamiHeart**

Dear YamiHeart,

Marik would be the one to get pregnant because he is the girl.

-Florence

**Dear Florence,**

**Have you ever heard of pwi? If so do you play o.o**

**-Blademaster**

Dear Blademaster,

Nice name, I have heard of it I just don't play.

**Dear Florence,**

**Thanks for answering and complimenting my name. And I agree about the pandas, they are truly awesome. Then again, only an idiot could deny that fact. Like Marik.**

**...By the way, can you recommend any hair care products? Mine got thrown away, but I don't want to kill her since she's the one with the money in this house.**

**Also, if you're ever in need of a chainsaw you're free to borrow mine as a thank you for the advice. It helped.**

**-AxeMurderess**

Dear AxeMurderss,

Thanks I might just take you up on the chainsaw offer. As for the hair care products I would have to suggest L'Oreal because you are worth it.

**Dear Florence-sama,**

**You said that you were taken. Who are you with? Is it the host of the Millennium Ring? **

**-Tendershipper**

Dear Tendershipper,

Yes I can definitely see how this is a serious question that needs advice. What's with your name? Who I am taken by is none of your business.

**Dear Florence, Goddess of Fluffiness and Bunnies.**

**Are you in love with Ryou Bakura? If not, would you ever make-out with Marik on your on free will? I think that he has a crush on you since he keeps sending so many things...**

**My pet rabbit just died... :( ... Advice? If you can't do that, can you use your fluffy and bunny powers to bring her back to life?**

**-The person who worships bunnies**

Dear the person who worships bunnies,

I'm sorry to hear about your rabbit, bunnies are so adorable. I wish I could use my super special awesome bunny powers to bring her back to life but I can't. As for your first question I'm not answering that.

**Dear Florence,**

**Isn't Florence a girl name? I think it is anyway... And here I though you were a guy... Maybe you're a shemale!~ :D **

**Also, whenever I see blood, I get this urge just to lick it! I'm serious! Whenever I see it, the world goes slow, and all I can see is the blood. It's gotten to the point where I started cutting myself! What should I do? I almost killed someone just to see it!**

**-Lazy Cat 44**

Dear Lazy Cat 44,

You are messed up, what do you think you are some Twilight vampire wanna be? But this serious I would probably tell someone else about it like a parent and get help, or you could just kill someone. Florence is a very manly name you idiot.

**Dear Florence McFluffy-man, (that's right I went there)**

**There's this girl at my school who I HATE. That's right, in all caps. She spread all these stupid rumors about me last year. Thing is, before that she was my best friend. Now, I don't trust her, but she thinks everything is hunky dory. Right now, I'm pretending everything is fine, but I freakin' HATE her. How do I tell her without making her angry and getting a one-way ticket to Drama City? Or should I just run her over when I get my license? **

**Sorry 'bout the length of this letter. I know you have way more important things to do than talk to pathetic mortals like me. Crap, I'm just making it longer, ain't I? Okay, I'll stop now.**

**-TsunereTeen**

**P.S. What's your opinion on the idea of chocolate soda?**

Dear TsunereTeen,

Why wait until you get your license I would run her over or torture her now. The length of your letter is fine as long as you ask a question that does not involve my love life. Chocolate soda pretty good, it's chocolate and soda who doesn't like that?

**Dear Florence-Chan,**

**I have this awesome little pet unicorn named Balakaka that only I can see, and whenever I tell anyone about her, I get made fun of! What do I do? Also, everyone I know is telling me to get my head checked and to go see a doctor, but i'm fine! I've already been to the doctor many, many, many, times for this, but they don't believe me! Please help me get people to believe me~!**

**Sincerly, FearIsButFearItself**

Dear FearIsButFearItself,

I'm with everyone else get your head checked. Though I do like unicorns and the name Balakaka, it's a pretty cool name.

**Dear Florence,**

**Seeing as you are strangely British, I'm going to auditioning for a certain famous talent contest search thing. Oh, and I'm singing your favorite song "Come Sail Away" by Styx, which I hope will be "Super Special Awesome"! Do you have any tips on how to audition, specifically how to conduct yourself in front of the judges?**

**Singing Dragon awaaaay.*fwwoooooosh!**

Dear Singing Dragon,

Don't make a complete fool of yourself in front of the judges is my advice. Sorry to break this to you but I hate that song thanks to Marik singing it non-stop. Good luck on the search thingy although you will fail.

**Dear Florence, **

**My friend is obsessed with chocolate and thinks he should be number one what should I do?**

**-Matt**

Dear Matt,

Just let him be with his chocolate obsession it can't hurt anyone. As for his inferiority complex I find it funny.

**Dear Florence,**

**WHAT? What do you mean that his power is from his leather shoes! Jeez, Honey you could have told me that.**

**-Marik**

Dear Marik,

Shut up you idiot! Do you even go to this school? How are you submitting questions to the column?

**Dear Godness of Shadows,**

**1) You didn't deny my question when I first asked:**

**Would you mind getting married to this really cute guy with white hair?**

**Your answer: Dear TOD ZUYO,**

**I really liked the beginning of the letter, goddness of the shadows who doesn't love that? That's when I read the question, would I want to be married to the person you're talking about? You will never know, but seeing how things are right now that would be very complicated.**

**-Florence**

**So, you can read: "I wouldn't mind"**

**2) So, you are this white-haired guy called Ryou? (Yes, I did some researching!) You revealed yourself! And for y-o-u-r question: Because I love to set people up!**

**3) Why not?**

**4) W-H-O The Fucking Hell are these Jonas Brothers?**

**5) You're taken? With Marik, this guy with girly nicknames?**

**6) Marik, We L-O-V-E to be mean, got that? Besides, aren't the Pharaoh's leather pants too small for you? I mean, he's a dwarf!**

**7) Now excuse me, I need to find more stupid questions for me to ask you...**

**TOD ZUYO, insane fangirl of Bakushipping **

Dear TOD ZUYO,

You have way too much time on your hands. The Jonas Brothers are some stupid Disney band, the most evil thing in the world next to 4kids and me. Fine, yes I am Yami Bakura but I am still not discussing my love life!

-Bakura

**A/N: There's chapter 6! Thanks for all the reviews! I have over 50! That makes me really happy haha. I had to type this fast cause my computer is broke so I had to use my little sister's who was being very impatient. Anyways Merry late Slavemas and a Happy New Year! **


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh

**Dear Florence,**

I'm failing school. Any advice on how to concentrate while studying?

And what are your opinions on Little Kuriboh?

-Assassin

Dear Assassin,

Just keep failing the only thing that matters in this world is death, despair, and children's card games. Who is this Little Kuriboh you speak of? What is it some sort of miniature Kuriboh or something. I know! Isn't he that guy that was banned from YouTube three times, yeah that's funny.

**Dear Florence,**

1. How come some of the people you've threatened haven't asked you anymore questions?

2. Do you prefer contacts or glasses?

3. Do you like ICE CREAM? If so, what flavor?

4. Ever watched Hetalia?

5. Do you like curls (ringlet curls) or straight hair on a girl?

6. If you don't answer that last question, I'm going to assume you're gay.

7. Nothing wrong with that.

8. This is to the idiot who said Florence is a female name.. SHUT THE HELL UP!

-Sarah

Dear Sarah,

To answer your first question it's probably because they are scared, but I noticed a lot of people still asked questions even after my threats. I wear neither contacts or glass but if I had to choose I would say contacts. Yes I love ice cream! My favorite flavors are chocolate and/or blood. No I haven't watched Hetalia but I've heard of it. To question five it really doesn't matter to me. Questions six and seven are pretty pointless, and eight is funny. That person did need to shut up.

**Dear asshole,**

I was trying to show some concern about your love life unless *cackle cackle* you're a virgin! But I noticed you are so fucking defensive. You grate on my FUCKING nerves! Oh god I'm losing it.

Its okay I'm calm.

Goosey lalalala fraba la cone ne ma.

I'm calm now. Who knew being bipolar was such hard work. For my next question I want both you and Ryou to answer. Yes I now know about Ryou. Now Ryou are you a virgin and has Bakura ever hit you? Did you like it? Bakura if you could kill me for asking Ryou that question, would you? I still want you, Bakura, to answer the question I asked Ryou. Also I want to know if you have a question for me. Or are you to FUCKING scared to ask me.

*CACKLE*

I'm so insane.

Loves you not,

Krazynkuki

Dear Krazynkuki,

You are just stupid. I shouldn't even answer those questions but I will and so will Ryou. Ryou said he is a virgin and that I have hit him numerous times, he did not like at all but I sure as hell did. I would kill you very slowly and painful for asking those questions. No I am not a virgin. What the fuck is wrong with you?

**Dear Florence,**

Merry belated Slavemas and a Happy New Year. That was a surprisingly unhelpful response. Here's my questions

1. What would happen to people who called you "Limey Man"?

2. Out of curiousity, what's your exact hair-color? Just in case I want to my hair your exact shade of whatever.

3. Ever heard of a TV series called LOST? If you have, do you think that the "Man In Black" character was hewn from your personality type? And Ben Linus?

4. Do you know where I can get a Millennium Item? Because it'd be cool to have a 5,000 year old spirit inhabiting my body.

Stuck On a Blimp

Dear Stuck On a Blimp,

It really depends if the person kept repeatedly calling me limey man even though I told them to stop they would probably end up straight in the Shadow Realm. I don't really have an exact hair color I would just say its white. I never really watched LOST that much but I looked up the "Man in Black" and yes I am starting to think he is hewn from my personality. Go to the nearest Wal-Mart that is where you can find a Millennium Item.

**Dear Florence,**

**(sigh) When I showed her this fanfic she shouted, "Bring it!" Then took out both a knife and her deck, "Crown of Guilt." I am not an idiot even though everyone calls me that. Any suggestions on how to kill "The Thief Queen"?**

**-Duelist of the Dead**

Dear Duelist of the Dead,

Well suggesting that you can kill her proves you an idiot. Leave it to me I can handle her.

**Dear Yami Bakura-sama the magnificent,**

Do you have any idea where I can buy some L'oreal products?

Hime

Dear Hime,

Try any Wal-Mart or any other store**.**

**Dear Hot white tiger thief!**

I know you told me to cut down on the yaoi around them but it's so HARD when they tease gay people. I hate that. Love knows no gender! That's what I always tell them. But they laugh and we all go eat at the diner.

So since I can't cut it down, if there another way?

-Howling spirit!

Dear Howling Sprit,

Disregard what I last said and don't cut down your yaoi obsession. Maybe try to use a little violence to get your point across, they won't be laughing then.

**Dear Florence,**

Theres this really annoying gay guy in my class who loves Justin Bieber. He brings in his CDs and blasts them. -_- It's annoying. Any idea on how to get rid of him? I tried chainsaws, knives and even pencils. They don't work. If I paid you a couple thousand would you get rid of him?*is a klepto and stole Kaiba's wallet*

HippiePenguin^^

Dear HippiePenguin,

Torture him. Break his CDs! Justin Bieber is the worst musician (if you can call him that) ever. Yeah I'll get rid of him for free and good job taking Kaiba's wallet.

**Dear Florence,**

How do you say hello in ancient Egyptian?

-Marik is very dumb

Dear Marik is very dumb,

Iwy em hotep is how you would say hello at least that is what wiki answers said,and yes Marik is very stupid.

**Dear Florence,**

Do you think that I would get in trouble if I 'accidentally' pushed someone off a cliff? (I swear it was an accident...)

-Skye

Dear Skye,

Go for it! Push the person off! But of course it will be an 'accident'. I'll even help if you need it.

**Dear Florence,**

Thanks, you're worth it too, you god of ruthless fiends, you~

Wow... I feel your pain. I too get asked inane questions about my personal life by idiots who don't understand personal space or privacy. I dumped vats of acid on my pests. I have a few spares if you want them.

I was wondering, should I try and find a career in pyrotechnics or be an assassin? They both look like fun jobs and I can't pick which one.

...And could you give me some constructive criticism on this chocolate cheesecake? I think it's missing something and you're the only person I respect enough to send free food to.

And a certain member of the Royal Asswipe's cheerleading squad is planning on giving you a friendship speech. I overheard her practicing... Are my ears still bleeding? And my eyes? There was so much pink. Neon pink. The horror.

But I leave you with a magic mute button to shut her up with, hope it helps. But seriously, I recommend shades.

*collapses and gets dragged off to the doctor*

Someone avenge meeeee!

-AxeMurderess

Dear AxeMurderss,

I think this is the best question I got so far, especially since you offered chocolate cheesecake. I love cheesecake. I shall take you up on your offer of vats of acid to use on annoying people. As for your career question I say be both. You could work in pyrotechnics during the day and a deadly assassin at night. If you really need to choose I would say-hm this is tough, I suppose an assassin because you get to kill people. Also thanks for the tip on the friendship speech, I despise those. Thankfully you gave me the mute button, it's so great to use! I will definitely avenge you just because you gave me chocolate cheesecake.

**Question:**

Dear limey-man,

1. Why are you and Marik so keen to get into the Pharaohs pants

2. Was it awesome being the Thief King in Egypt? Dude, you are my idol! :D

And 3. Marik we like to mean because it's fun to here you cry like a b*tch xD Go have make up smex with Bakura :P

From, The Thief Princess.

Dear The Thief Princess,

I wasn't keen on getting into the Pharaoh's pants that was all Marik and if you want to know why ask him. I just went along with it because I was bored. Yes, it was very awesome being the Thief King.

**Dear Florence,**

**If you hate writing the advice column, why don't you quit and find a different job?**

**-The One With Logic.**

Dear The One With Logic,

Well this school is forcing me to participate in some of the extracurricular and I was forced to write this column, so I can't quit well I can but I won't. I'm not a quitter and to be honest not all people who ask questions are idiots so it's not that bad.

**Dear Florence-Chan, Maker-Of-All-Things-That-Are-Awesome,**

HOW CAN YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS! Telling me to get my head checked... You're with 'them', aren't you...? 'THEM'!

Anyway, I have a new question~

Balakaka won't eat anything I give him, and he's always biting random people! Yes, I'm proud of him for being so evil, but they always think that it's me that bit them, and then I get lectured for a long time!

Yeah...I've got a past of biting random people I see on the streets...so what?

Anyway, please help me make Balakaka tame so I can stop getting in trouble, and almost sued for rabies (did I spell that right?)!

Sincerely,

FearIsButFearItself

Dear FearIsButFearItself,

Sorry I guess I am with them, but to answer question maybe Balakaka (still an awesome name) just likes the taste of humans and wants to eat them instead of whatever crappy food you are giving it. I'm just going to keep letting Balakaka do whatever it is doing and laugh at you.

**DEAR FLORENCE,**

MY BOYFRIEND IS ASKING ME TO GET A STRAP ON WHEN WE DO $£X! IS HE GAY? WHAT SHOULD I DO?

-boywhohadasexchange

Dear boywhohadasexchange,

Yes my gaydar would probably say that your boyfriend is gay, do whatever your heart desires, I really don't care.

**Dear Florence the Awesome Entity,**

Yeah, it's me again. So, any idea how I can procure some chocolate soda? I'll trade the chocolate Santa I got for Christmas. Also, how's life been?

-Tsundere(forgot the D last time)Teen

P.S. I'd also like to congratulate you on the fact the school hasn't fired you yet. I guess the teachers know good advice when they see it after all.

Dear Tsundere (forgot the D last time) Teen,

Go order some online or because you're not that bad, I accept your offer and trade you some for a chocolate Santa because chocolate is just amazing. Life has been okay, how about yours? Also I think the teachers are too afraid to say anything about my column either that or they just don't care.

**Dear Florence,**

What is your favorite band/singer? I have a real crisis because I can't decide what to listen to! I wish you the best of luck with these people who are prying stalkers, and I hope you don't end up killing TOO many of them. Try to keep your sanity!

Sincerely, TheOnlySaneFangirlEver

Dear TheOnlySaneFangirlEver (if only one existed),

My favorite bands are Three Days Grace, Green Day, and My Chemical Romance. Thanks for the support, I'll try not to kill that many of them but I make no promises.

**Dear Florence,**

Do you by chance need a chainsaw or sword to kill some of these people asking about your personal life, because I'll be happy to help. Anyway, on to my question.

What should I do if I find a bunch of loopholes in a few rules I hate?

-Talow

Dear Talow,

I have plenty of chainsaws and swords, but another one couldn't hurt so I'll take you up on that offer. Break the rules and if someone says something about it point out the loopholes.

**A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed! I love reading them. K well there is chapter 7, I was going to have it up yesterday but fell asleep..stupid body for needing sleep. Also I got a fluffy white teddy bear for Christmas so I named him Florence! Yay! Anyways you know what to do go review and bother Bakura with questions! **


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh

**Florence... Screw it. Yami,**

Help.

-that girl who is clinging to your windowsill 

Dear that girl who is clinging to your windowsill,

No thank you, why were you on my windowsill anyways?****

Dear Florence,

What's your favorite color? *shot*  


**W/ love,**

Siz.  
[[Oh, I had tea earlier today. Earl Grey tastes nice :3] 

Dear Siz,

My favorite color is black, thanks for asking such a stupid question.

**Dear Florence,**

I am in great turmoil at the present because I have run out of my favorite British tea, Earl Grey. Do you have any suggestions for a substitute tea should this dilemma happen again?

Also, how do you deal with a cat obsessed demon- I mean, butler?

Yours Sincerely,

Earl Phantomhive

Dear Earl Phantomhive,

Honestly I would just buy more Earl Grey and make sure you never run out. Earl Grey is the best. As for your cat obsessed demon or butler, kill it. Killing and torturing can solve most of life's problems.

**Dear Florence,**

I think I'm addicted to again, is that sad? How do you get over your addictions? Also where do you shop for your clothes? What's your opinion on Seto Kaiba and where do you think he shops for his clothes?

Thanks for not killing me in my sleep, you were always my favorite.

-NeedsAHug 

Dear NeedsAHug,

What is this you speak of? I guess it is kind of sad. I never wanted to overcome any of my addictions so I haven't thought about it that much. I shop at Hot Topic for my clothes. Kaiba is a complete asshole but I guess he isn't that bad. I have no idea where he shops for his clothes and I really don't care.

**Dear Florence,**

Okay! So there's this cute, older boy I reeeeeally like, but I don't think he likes me back! I've done everything I can think of, but it's like he doesn't care! I think he might actually like that tall, brunette friend of his or that other Chinese b... girl. Ugh! How do I get him to like me?

-Rebecca H. 

Dear Rebecca,

Try going for someone your own age. I don't think anything you do will change his mind.

**Dear Florence,**

How do you get rid of an annoying sister! I've tried everything! Fire, Knives, pushing her off a cliff, making her listen to the Jonas Brothers (she actually ENJOYED it), poison, chainsaws, and sending her to the Shadow Realm! I need to get rid of her soon! She is trying to paint my room NEON PINK! Have any ideas on how to get rid of her?

- Midnight

(P.S I stole the Millennium Key) 

Dear Midnight,

Hahahahaha Neon Pink, that's great. Well it seems you have covered every possible way to get rid of her. I mean did you honestly push her off a cliff? That's insane. Sounds you're your sister is strong if she can listen to the Jonas Brothers without wanting to tear apart her ear drums. Maybe you could hire someone to kill her? Also I'm happy to inform you that I took the Millennium Key from you.

**Dear Florence,**

1. Do you read/watch manga/anime? If so, what would be your favorite series?

2. Did you celebrate Christmas or the New Years?

3. Forgive me if this has been asked before (I could have sworn it was) but what's your favorite and least favorite school subject?

4. Do you like any kind of creative activity, like drawing or writing?

5. Do you play a musical instrument? Or if you had to, what would you choose?

6. Do you ever play video games?

P.S. Sorry for all the questions, I'm a curious person.

-Sarah 

Dear Sarah,

I do like to read and watch some manga and anime. Right now my favorite series would have to be Death Note. I did celebrate New Year's, it was almost fun. I really hate school but I have to say History class is tolerable but I can't stand Math. I do like to write sometimes. I don't play an instrument but I wouldn't mind learning how to play the guitar.

**Dear Hot white tiger thief!**

Dude, I love your mind! I am violent around them so they know already what happens when I get mad. That's why they got to keep me laughing or I pull out one of my "friends". ^w^

But another me doesn't like being mean. So here's a question.

Am I a scizo? (I think I spelled it wrong, it's where you think you have more than one mind I think.)

-Howling Spirit 

Dear Howling Sprit,

Well if you think that you have more than one personality or that there is another you, then yes I guess you could be a scizo (I don't think that's the correct spelling but I don't care and I'm too lazy to go look it up. I am glad to hear that you are violent though, that made me almost happy.

**Dear Florence,**

I'm enclosing the chocolate Santa in the envelope-thingy. Hope it gets through. Life's been... life, I guess. Been doing the usual, hanging with fellow asylum escapees, going on homicidal tirades, and planning the demise of the ex-best friend I wrote to you about the first time. Wanna help? I know a few other people who'd be willing to hide the body.

-TsundereTeen

P.S. Also plotting the murder of several other students. I'll bring the gasoline if you bring the matches. And NO, it's not going to be "date-ish" of any kind. I have a boyfriend.

Anyway, bye! 

Dear TsundereTeen,

YES! Chocolate SantaFTW! Sounds like your life has been pretty fun, I would be glad to help. Haha sure, I'll bring the matches.

**Dear God of all things Dark,**

Do you have any good advice on massacre? I'd like to massacre my school, run off, change my looks completely, and enroll a different school, and massacre them. It'll probably be your school though, but I won't kill you. You're too awesome for that. Anyways, I was thinking of cutting the lights, killing the staff in the office, playing some creepy song, like Alice of Human Sacrifice, on the speakers then going along the hall way, killing those in the class rooms and the halls. How would you carry out these bloody deaths? Also, if you help me massacre your school, I'll give you a Chocolate-Strawberry cake. Or anything you want, really.

From, Torture Girl 

Dear Torture Girl,

I personally like your idea of going about the massacre. Especially the creepy song part, it was a nice touch. I'll do almost anything for Chocolate Strawberry cake so I definitely will help.

**Dear Florence,**

I need a topic of expository writing. :D Do you have any good ideas? My teacher prefers topics that are not about death. :P I tried to give some ideas but, they all included death so she said I couldn't use them.

-Skye 

Dear Skye,

Well assuming since it took so long for me to actually reply to your question that you already have a topic and wrote about it. Some ideas that I would have given would have been torture or card games. Both are equally great and torture isn't really about death.

**Dear Florence,**

Glad you liked the cheesecake! Assassin it is, then. I'm too lazy for two jobs, I like napping too much. And I can always blow things up in my spare time.

I got a job volunteering for now, though. And if you were thinking I've turned into a goodie-goodie, no I haven't. It's at my college crèche where I can corrupt the minds of the next generation. This one little kid was pretty good with the flamethrower. I see a great future for him. He threw up on the friendship freak, too! You should have been there to see it, it was great. Any advice on what I should teach them (The 'supervisor' is a drunk. I'm there so no little kids go bye-bye)? I already covered knife throwing; how to use a flamethrower; the baby version of why anarchy is good; how to shoot a gun... and who to shoot at (namely the Royal Asswipe); Evil 101; some basic torture techniques; and why friendship freaks deserve to die. I also made them study the Evil Overlord/Evil Empress lists.

And since you avenged me, if you ever need an accomplice just say the word. Free cheesecake included, of course.

And aside from the obvious... people... who do you hate most in the world right now?

-AxeMurderess 

Dear AxeMurderess,

Well of course I liked the cheesecake it was cheesecake! Good job on the corrupting the minds of the future minds, damn I wish I could have seen that kid throw up that friendship freak. I bet it was hilarious. You seem like you covered everything that they needed to learn, I can't think of anything but when I do I'll let you know. Right now I hate people who preppy, the idiot who thought the Justin Beiber movie was a good idea and people who send one word text messages. Honestly would it kill a person to form a sentence instead of just saying "ok", "so", and "sigh" Anyways I kind of hate everyone it's just the way I roll.

**Dear Florentine,**

NO! How can you accept a chainsaw and not my knife! It hurts so bad! I am going to carve the shit out of my teddy bear because of you! As for your question, I'm bipolar, therefore I can't help it. For my question do you think my name suits me? Also, One day I went nuts on this person who called me crazy. I was SO offended! I beat the shit out of said person. I got into trouble and the person wants an apology. Should I torture or should I mutilate.

*I can't breathe* 

Dear I can't breathe,

I didn't accept your knife because I have too many and I needed a new chainsaw. I really don't care about the teddy bear. I guess you're name suits you. As for your last question I say torture or a bit of both.

**Dear Florence,**

I believe in a past life I was a dragon. What do you think I should do?

-Shadic

Dear Shadic,

Go run around like a dragon.

**Dear Florence,**

So, my friend has had cancer for about 2 years, but people at my school said she left because she was pregnant. How can I destroy their lives without getting caught?

- Don't f*ck with my friends. 

Dear Don't f*ck with my friends,

Don't worry about I'll take care of it, those pathetic mortals won't know what hit them. You can help if you want.

****

Dear Florence,

Do you have feelings for Ryou because it would be really great for him if you did? (sorry to pry, but it hopefully would be best for Ryou) You could protect him from bullies more and he would not have any nightmares of his sister and mother passing because you would comfort him (in your own way, but you really should hold him more)

Pheonix09 

Dear Pheonix09,

I do protect Ryou from bullies; I send them to the Shadow Realm. It's very fun. I'm not comforting him, he's already pathetic I'm not helping him become more useless.

**Dear Yami Bakura-sama the magnificent,**

Do you like my name for you? You are my favorite character ever? Can I be your minion? Is my obsession with want to blow up certain things bad? When are you going to take Ryou's virginity? Personally, I think you should keep him tied up in your soul room.

Hime 

Dear Hime,

Yeah I like the name, it isn't that bad. Why is 'you are my favorite character?' a question? Sure I guess you can be my minion just don't be annoying. No you're obsession is not bad. Never. You know what; you can't be my minion now.

**Dear Florence,**

Can I ask Florence why my best friend won't let me go to a Wal-Mart? {When I finally go to America and leave this place!} 

**-Axl Howlett**

Dear Axl Howlett,

You're friend probably doesn't want you to go to Wal-Mart because it is a creepy place. I only go in there if I absolutely have to.

**Dear Florence-Chan, Who-Has-Joined-'THEM!',**

...

But...but I AM feeding little Balakaka humans! That's all he eats!

But, apparently he like living people more...hrmm...hey...Florence...do you have anyone you wanna get rid of, you know, that you never wanna see again and want them to suffer, cause I have some awesome torture techniques that I want to try out...hehehe...ahem. Sorry. Anyway, got anyone that I can torture then feed at Balakaka? Oh, and do ya know where I can get a chainsaw? I've looked everywhere and can't find one! Oh, and are you gay? For, like, oh, I don't know...Ryou maybe...? Hopefully...? Totally? Yes? YES? TELL ME DARN IT, TELL MEEEEEE!

Sincerely,

FearIsButFearItself 

Dear FearIsButFearItself,

Yes the Pharaoh, go show him your torture techniques. You can feed the friendship freak and Marik to Balakaka. I'll let you borrow my chainsaw. No I'm not gay, and I don't even like Ryou.

**Dear Florence,**

you give great advice and you are Sexy

anywayssssss

I hate P.E any advice on how to kill my P.E teacher?

also were could I hid the body?

and lastly I'm getting a tarantula for my Birthday what should I name it?

-Vampire Prinssess

Dear Vampire Prinssess,

I sent Ryou's P.E teacher to the Shadow Realm; I could do the same to yours for some pie. Name the tarantula….hmm I can't think of anything, I'll get back to you on that one.

** Dear Florence,**

** I see that you and your followers have been very rude to Marik. Well Florence you better stop it or I'll get rid of your column bahahahaha. By the way could I get a hug?**

** -Melvin**

Dear Melvin,

You're Marik's Yami aren't you? Wow. Clever name, you really had me guessing. The reason everyone makes fun of Marik is because of how stupid he is, you're just as bad as him. You both are utterly useless and I would never hug you. By the way Melvin if you tried to get rid of the column, notice how many of the people who write to it have murderous tendencies. They wouldn't be very happy.

**Dear, Grate ruler of all things evil and cool**

Okay so There are two boys that I need to get rid of for a week or so...and I was wondering what the best way to get rid of them would be? Do you think Justin Beber sounds gay?

I love your wisdom. But poor Marilk (Really I hate him but I'm a little angel so I care about every one.)

**-Little Angel**

Dear Little Angel,

Tie them up and leave them in a basement for a week, that'll get rid of them. Yes I do think Justin Beiber is gay, he sounds like a girl. Marik is an idiot, don't feel bad for him.

**Dear Florence**

**I have several questions, so I'll try to make this short. **

**What would you do for a Klondike Bar?**

**Have You Ever Been Rick Roll'd?**

**And Finally, Have you ever lost 'The Game'? **

**-Aquabless**

Dear aquabless

Thank you for making it short. I'd kill everyone for a Klondike Bar, yes I have been Rick Roll'd once. I just lost "The Game" I hate you.

**Dear Florence,**

**What's the best way to spend snow days off from school? :o I never seem to know what to do with my time. =_= **

**-Partners-N-Crime**

Dear Partners-N-Crime,

Thanks for being the hundredth person to ask a question, for that you get a very shiny sharp knife. I say torture, kill, listen to music, make a snowman then destroy it, or read a nice book. Those are just some suggestions.

**Dear Florence,**

**Yea my name is cool, so now a better question: P**

**Which sounds better: forsaken world or perfect world?**

**I play pwi but I dunno. . .**

**Any advice on how to convince my bro's to download forsaken world when it comes out in Feb? ;D**

**-Blademaster **

Dear Blademaster,

Forsaken world sounds a lot better than perfect world. As for convincing your brother, threaten to kill him or torture.

Bakura just finished typing up the last replies for his column when he heard a knock at the classroom door. He turned around and saw Miss Sue standing there with a smile on her face.

"AH Ryou there you are! We need to talk." She said.

"Is there something you need, Miss Sue?" Bakura asked in his best impersonation of Ryou.

"Well it has come to my attention that you might not be giving the best advice to the students." She replied.

"What do you mean?" Bakura asked, sort of annoyed by the woman. He liked the column just the way it was.

"Well for example you usually encourage violence and killing, we don't want the students to think violence is the answer to life's problems." Miss Sue said with a big fake smile.

"I think violence is the answer in a lot of cases." Bakura replied, really ticked off now.

"If you don't change we will have to take the column away and you will have to find a new activity to join. I think the chess team has an opening." She said with a smirk and walked away.

"_What the bloody hell is chess?" _Bakura thought.

"_You know it's where two people sit there and move pieces around on a board, trying to outsmart each other."_ Ryou tried to explain from his soul room.

"_So it has nothing to do with card games_?" Bakura asked.

"_I'm afraid not_." Ryou quietly replied.

"_Well this sucks. I am not letting them take the column away and I refuse to join the stupid chess team! There is no way I'm ever going to be nice_." Bakura said.

"_You know, you could always have me answer a few that way ALL of the replies won't have to do with murder. The school might lay off then."_ Ryou shyly suggested.

"_I suppose you could answer a couple, it's worth a shot. Just don't screw it up_." Bakura said.

A/N: So Ryou is going to be answering some questions now too, this shall be fun. Between computer issues and exams (on my French exam there was the name Malik and I started laughing) I have been a lousy updater but thank you people for all the reviews! I have over a 100! That made me really happy so thanks. Alright you know the drill review, ask a question to Ryou or Fluffy or both and make me smile.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh

"_Come on Bakura we really need to reply to the questions for our column_." Ryou said. He was right it has been weeks since the last column and people were getting impatient.

"There is no 'our' column it's just mine." Bakura muttered.

"_You said I could reply to some of the questions, we need to start typing_." Ryou replied.

"Fine, whatever, let's get this over with." Bakura said as he began to read the submissions.

**Dear Florence,**

**I'm probably going to ether take over the world or end it in darkness (come to the dark side we have cookies) or say screw it and go cause chaos.**

**Ekadra **

Dear Ekadra,

Good for you the dark side not only has cookies but it has cake too. Considering I'm going to take over the world, if I were you I would just cause as much chaos as possible.

**Dear God of all things Dark,**

**The massacre was a complete success! I moved so now I'm going to your school. If you have a random Chocolate-Strawberry cake on your desk, know it is from me. So, my looks are different, and now I need a new tactic of massacre. People will know who I am if I use the same stuff. Got any ideas?**

**From, Torture Girl **

Dear TortureGirl,

So that's where the cake came from, it was pretty good. If you are plotting to massacre the school make sure I'm not there. Maybe poison everyone's food but I suppose that isn't bloody enough. Damn I can't think of anything, I'll get back to you on this one.

**Dear Florence, **

**What are your thoughts on a zombie apocalypse? **

**Would you become part of the horde and destroy all humans? **

**Or become a survivor and kill off zombies with your badassery? **

**- Doomy **

Dear Doomy,

I suppose a zombie apocalypse would be pretty cool. Hell yes I would help destroy all the pathetic mortals but if the zombies got in my way I would probably have to kill them off with my so called "badassery"

**Dear my new bff,**

**There are 2 ubber stupid loser boyz in my class. will u kill them 4 me? i cant be caught with another murder so, yeah... oh and i thinkz u iz ubber smexy so go out with me... (yes)**

**p.s. u oviosy know my sis little angel cuz she was the one who showed me this colum (kill her 2)**

**-little devil (a.k.a needs 2 marry u) **

Dear little devil,

First of all I'm not your best friend or even friend and I never will be. Yeah I suppose I could kill them and then you for lack of basic spelling and grammar. Why must you add 'z' to every word? As for your sister I need readers so I won't kill her but I might slowly torture her for showing you this column. Thanks to her my eyes have almost bled from reading this question. Lastly even if you were the last person on the planet I wouldn't go out with you. I would rather go out with Marik.

**Dear Godness of Shadows (or should I call you dear Godness of good cooking, seeing as you are Ryou right now),**

**Actually yes, I have too much time, that gets me bored out of my mind (not that I even had one to begin), therefore I can`t think properly (or not at all), and you know the rest!^^**

**I am a Yaoi-fangirl, so we WILL be discussing your love life! D**

**Some recipe of some kind I should try out?**

**Melvin? Honestly, it can`t go any stupider than now, it just can`t! O_O;**

**Why should he care about his hikari anyway? Is there something going on? ...Well~ it`s definitely worth some snooping... XD**

**-TOD ZUYO, insane fan girl of Bakushipping **

Dear TOD ZUYO,

Ryou is telling me that you should try out this great banana bread recipe apparently it's amazing which is-

"Bakura!" Marik exclaimed as he came walking in the room.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Bakura asked annoyed that the tomb keeper was interrupting his work.

"Whoever this 'insane fangirl of Bakushipping' is she is talking about me! I don't appreciate being talked about and neither does Melvin." Marik replied.

"Maybe you're just mad because there is something going on between you and Melvin." Bakura said with a smirk.

"There is not!"

"I bet there is." Bakura said.

"_Maybe I'll just write the reply."_ Ryou thought to himself as he walked over to the desk and wrote the reply.

Dear TOD ZUYO,

This is Ryou Bakura replying, thanks for your question. At the moment Bakura is a bit busy so I thought I would go ahead and answer, besides his recipes usually involve blood or something. Anyways if you like banana bread I have a wonderful recipe that I enclosed in this letter. I also put a nice recipe for pie because everyone loves pie. I hope this was helpful, I look forward to any other questions you might have.

-Ryou

"Hikari! What are you doing?" Bakura snapped.

"All I did was reply, that's what we're supposed to do but you got distracted." Ryou replied with a tiny shrug.

"Well don't do it again unless I tell you." Bakura said sitting back down and looking at the next question.

**Dear Florence,**

**^^ I muchly appreciate my new knife. It shall be put to good use. Believe me. (I just got done watching Sweeney Todd...so I mean...I'm in a sadistic mood...muahah XDD)**

**Anywayyyyy, hmm...debating as to whether or not to ask another question if i do, it'll be for Ryou XD I'm afraid Fluffy will kill me if I ask him another one...**

**Bah, I got nothing XD ill think of one later.**

**-Partners-N-Crime**

Dear Partner-N-Crime,

Sweeny Todd is one of my favorite movies, good choice. I wouldn't kill you if you asked a question, but slow painful torture might be involved.

**Dear Ryou,**

**How long do you think the evil spirit processing you will allow you to answer questions?**

**-Hime **

Dear Hime,

Well if everything goes well I'm hoping he will let me answer questions for this column for a while. After all I am the one who is really supposed to be doing this.

-Ryou

**Dear Florence,**

**Is Ryou going to be acting like Bakura in his own seemingly innocent way or is he actually that innocent?,**

**-Brittney **

Dear Brittany,

Sadly he is actually that innocent. I've tried countless times to get him to join the dark side but he refuses. I have even tried to give him cake and he still denies it.

**Dear, Florence, Ryou, whoever happens to be answering the letters,**

**Several things (sorry if it's too long):**

**My friend really likes Marik for some unfathomable reason. Can you insult him for me? Kthanks. Also, out of curiosity, what would your reaction be if I said that tabletop RPGs are more interesting than card games? :P And thirdly...the Millennium Puzzle has a chain on it, right? Here's what you do: ambush Yugi when he's walking home, grab the chain, and STRANGLE THE LITTLE madly**

**Do let me know if it works. **

**- Toaster-Omlette **

Dear Toaster Omlette,

Marik is a and always be a complete and utter moron who really needs to stop shopping in the women's section. If you said that anything is better than card games I would tell you that you are wrong. I like that idea; I'm going to go test it.

**Dear Florence,**

**I would love for you to send him to the shadow realm; he made us run 2 miles! So just say what type of pie you want and I will get you one or two, I won't make it I suck at that sort of things.**

**OK so my question now is have you watched Black Butler? If you have do you like it?**

**oh and If that Miss sue keeps threatening to stop the column I could always suck her blood for you or help you make to make her "go away"**

**-Vampire Prinssess **

Dear Vampire Prinssess,

No problem and I'll take a cherry pie. No I have never watched Black Butler so I don't have an opinion on it. Haha yes many of the reviewers seem to hate Miss Sue as much as I do, maybe we should form a group or something. Thanks for the offer.

***Watching News***

**Reporter- "It would seem that the woman in charge of Advice Column for students has had a very life threatening heart attack. Now one is sure how it happened, but we can only hope for the best. It would also seem that Bakura Ryou will be left in charge until things can be figured out.-"**

***click***

**Dear Florence,**

**I did that for you, also, I just found out my aunt died, along with my grandmother. I was wondering how you cope with the loss of someone. *CRIES***

***in serious pain and can't breathe* Krazynkuki **

Dear Krazynkuki,

Thanks for doing that although it didn't work because Miss Sue is still angrily editing the school paper. I'm sorry for your loss, I really am terrible at crap like this because I can't say oh just kill someone, and actually I guess you could to get your anger out or something. I guess if you're a having a really difficult time talk to your family and friends, they are there to support you. (No I am not giving a damn friendship speech)

**Dear Ryou, **

**I'm supposed to be writing a one-shot for my friend (Antagoshipping) but, I'm not sure what forces Bakura to check up on Kaiba... Can you help me out?**

**-Skye **

Dear Skye,

Well that's going to be an interesting story I'd love to read it. As for why Bakura checks up Kaiba hmm maybe Kaiba somehow got a Millennium Item or Bakura thought he had one since that's almost all Bakura cares about. I'm too sure, that's a tough concept. I bet whatever you come up with will be great though.

-Ryou

**Dear Florence,**

**Oh, that Sue lady's goin' down. DOWN, I tell you! School's bad enough without them taking the only reading material without awesome murder-tactics. I shall not allow it!**

**Bet the witch's first name is Mary. That would explain everything.**

**P.S. Glad you enjoyed the chocolate Santa.**

**-TsundereTeen**

Dear TsundereTeen,

Many people seem to want to destroy Sue, it's hilarious. You know her first name is actually Mary and the chocolate Santa was awesome.

**Dear Florence,**

**If you had to choose your favorite anime other than yu-gi-oh, what would you chose? Also, you don't have to answer. **

**-Talow.**

**P.S. i 'mistakenly' cut a few of your fan girls in half with a chainsaw. **

Dear Talow,

I wondered why a lot of my fan girls were missing, it was less annoying thanks. My other favorite anime are Death Note, Bleach, and Inuyasha**.**

**Dear, Great ruler of all things evil and cool, and sweet guy (that's my nick name for Ryo)**

**Okay first I want to thank you for your advice. They'll never know what hit them.**

**But I have a few more questions they are, Do you plan on killing Marik soon if so do you think you could do it oh ...I don't know TO DAY?**

**So if you haven't guessed already I am a very sweet child, How do I become at least a tiny bit evil so in other words could you grant me some of your evil powers?**

**This one is for sweet guy could you talk the great ruler into kill Justin Beiber?**

**Again for sweet guy, do you know how to be evil and be good at the same time? I mean I still want to be good but I also want some evil.**

**Last question I promise Do you guys like your name? If so rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.**

**Good luck, Little angel **

Dear Little angel,

Believe me I was very close to killing Marik today but I decided that I need to kill the Pharaoh first so I locked Marik in a dark closet. You're not sweet; you were just saying I should kill someone. Also I like my name so I give it a ten.

-Florence

Well I don't think killing people is right or good so I'm not going to talk to Bakura about killing Justin Beiber. I say just stay good if you do I will bake you cupcakes, that's right the dark side has cookies but the good side has Ryou Bakura's famous cupcakes. Yeah I like my name I give it a ten.

-Ryou

**Dear Florence,**

**I noticed from one of your earlier replies you like death note. So who's your favorite person in it? I like L and BB.**

**~Fangs, Rio and Luca**

**P.S: Here is a flamethrower, a chocolate chip brownie cheesecake and grenade launcher. Knock yourself out. ;) **

Dear Fangs, Rio and Luca,

I like BB and Mello, BB because he's a murder and epic. I also like Ryuk and L because they are made of pure awesome. Cheesecake, flamethrowers, and grenade launchers, yes you are definitely a favorite reviewer.

**Dearest little fluffy,**

**Do you hold any romantic feelings for your darker half? If not, who do you like romantically?**

**Signed, **

**AddictedToTendershipping**

Dear AddictedToTendershipping,

I don't really feel comfortable sharing my love life with people, especially since Bakura is watching me. I think he would be extremely mad if he found out. I'm really sorry I can't be more specific.

-Ryou

**Note to friend9810:**

**You're really IC when it comes to Bakura so I have to give you a huuuuuge pat on the back! I love reading your story, lovely! If I may ask, what's your OTP? Are you into tendershipping or a different kind of shipping?**

"What kind of lame reply is that? You could have just said no and you forgot to reply to the note at the bottom." Bakura said.

"My reply was not that bad and the note is addressed to someone named friend9810 I'm not going to reply to it." Ryou replied confidently.

"Well then I'll reply to it." Bakura said. As the white haired teen was about to reply, a teenaged girl came skipping in.

"Wait my screen name is friend9810 I'll reply Mr. Fluffy." She said with a grin.

Dear AddictedToTendershipping,

Thanks for the review! It means a lot, as for my shipping well I don't know. I used to not like any shipping really, then I started writing this and I kind of like tendershipping or thiefshipping.

-friend9810

"What does any of that mean and who are you?" Bakura growled, angry that someone wrote in his column other than him or Ryou.

"Bye!" The girl said and then ran away.

**Dear Florence,**

**...Are you a member of the White-Haired Fiend Guild? If not you should join, its fun. (Yes I have white hair. I have the friendship freak to blame for that. She and her goons carved the word "friendship" on my leg last year for "denying the awesome power of friendship". The shame, I hate being short. And I hate the girls' uniform because you can't hide any decent weapons in it. I was in a padded room for a while. You may or may not have heard about that one. I still have a few screws loose. I couldn't even get them in trouble for it since the bastard Pharaoh *BLEGHBADWORD* threatened to send me to the Shadow Realm if I ever tried... and I'd rather keep my soul INSIDE my body.) There's an all you can eat cheesecake buffet where we exchange torture tips. I had no idea so many flavors of cheesecake even EXISTED... And there's cream puffs if Ryou wants them. I happen to like him (Not like that though... I have this issue when it comes to stuff like that.)**

**I enclose photographs of my infant minions making the friendship freak's life a living hell. No one ever suspects the infants... unless they're awesomely evil themselves. This is only Phase One. I will have my revenge on those bastards yet. (You can join in if you like.) I hate everyone too (that is, with certain exceptions like you and Ryou, since you're awesome and all)... for the most part they should all just go die. Or find a way to not suck so much (yeah like that's ever going to happen...)**

**Your fanraptors get scarier by the day...**

**-AxeMurderess **

Dear AxeMurderess,

The White-Haired fiend Guild sounds like a lot of fun, I'll join. A cheesecake buffet sounds like heaven. Alright that's it I'm going to murder all of the Pharaoh's friends and then him. I hate everyone too except some of you people because you give me things and like weaponry. I may need to borrow one of your infant minions for a plan of mine mwhahaaha.

**Dear Florence,**

**I see the teachers saw the 'violence' in these things. But, obviously they can't read well if they think poor little Ryou is writing them.**

**P.S. (this has to be the most fanfic-related question on here) My friend wants to know if Yami Bakura killed your mother and sister and made it look like an accident? **

**(A/N nope Yami Bakura didn't do that, I would have to send crazy fan girls and Marik after him if he did.)**

**-Cheridan**

Dear Cheridan,

Exactly why Ryou is helping me this time, stupid Miss Sue will not win.

**Dear Florence,**

**You said something about a Death Note. Where did you get it? Did you steal mine? Who is your Shinigami?**

**I WILL BE GOD OF THE NEW WORLD!**

**- TheFirstKira (You'll never know who I really am, L, mwahaha!) **

Dear TheFirstKira,

Yeah I stole it from you, sorry about that. Actually I'm not sorry for anything, Ryuk is my Shinigami I just gave him a lot of apples.

**Dear Ryou,**

**Do you like waffles? **

**Waffles are yum. Like, really yum.**

**Do you like Orange Fanta? Orange Fanta is also yum, but I think that all the other flavors are just gross.**

**Dear Florence-Chan, King of the Fluffy Bunnies,**

**Thank you for the chain saw, but I'm afraid that it's...well...wet. And stained. With blood. Uh...and...The really bad thing is that it's a combo of my blood and a poor hobo persons...and...Your chainsaw is blocked up with his tummy and my right arm...so...oops...**

**Okay, well, biiii guysss!**

**P.S. Please hook up soon! You two make an awesome couple!**

**Sincerely,**

**FearIsButFearItself **

Dear FearIsButFearItself,

Yes I love waffles and Orange Fanta they are both very yummy. I tried to make waffles for Bakura the other day but he just threw them at me, the jerk.

-Ryou

Dear FearIsButFearItself,

Isn't that how chainsaws are supposed to be? I always thought they required blood in order to work properly.

-Florence

**To Florence,**

**I love you. You are my soul mate; I love how you are obsessed with murder, torture and card games. When Can We Hook Up? I can't wait to see how you are in bed. *winks* 3 3**

**-Mike Hawk **

Dear Mike Hawk,

I already have someone you creep.

**Dear Ry-chama,**

**Bakura has been saying he won't take your virginity. What's your opinion on this?**

**-That other person **

Dear That other person,

I'm perfectly fine with this. Right now I really don't want my virginity taken from me, I just want to wait and take things slow.

-Ryou

**Dear Florence;**

**Screw Ms. whatever, violence is the answer to almost every problem out there! And thank you, I would enjoy helping with that. I'll get the chainsaws~ **

**- Signed, don't f*ck with my friends**

Dear don't fuck with my friends,

I agree violence is always the answer, if only more people thought that way. Excellent, this will be fun.

**A/N: YAY for me finally updating, I know it's been a while it won't happen again. Anyways please review; they are what keep the story going.**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh

**Dear Florence,**

**Sorry to bother you so soon but this question for Ryou it's a romance question not trying to be mean to Bakura so I like this guy known him for a while he doesn't go to my school he's really cool we like the same things and he's not a douche bag yay! But my other friends and parents hated him when he was just my friend and we just started going out a couple of days ago but bad thing is he transferred to my school and class now my friends are going to tell my parents then their either going to disown me or force us to break up or worse the friendship b#### will steal him from the girl that runs with knives and wolves**

**-from **

**the girl that runs with knives**

Dear the girl that runs with knives,

I'm glad to hear that the guy you like is not a douche bag that is always a good thing to look for in a person. First of all forget what your parents or friends say, if you really like someone then go for it, look how Romeo and Juliet turned out. Secondly the friendship b#### cannot steal him for she is already dating that tri-colored hair fool. Anyways good luck with your situation, and remember if you need to kill or torture someone just contact me.

**Dear Florence-kun,**

**I think I'm losing my grip this b#### in my class who keeps saying friendship speeches every five seconds and there is a rich douche bag who keeps making fun of me and my friends and ...and I have my urge to kill rise more and more and it doesn't help that I decorate my room with weapons plus nobody sees me as a threat damn I wish people didn't think of me as a bunny thats what everybody calls me because of that friendship speech giving girl ugh jeez I feel I'm going to take some katana from my room and dice her and that rich douche with it but I don't want to go to jail and not to mention all my friends think were alike how I'm a weapon-loving ice cream eaten friendship speech hating girl and she is a b#### and then their all like "you give friendship speeches too!" I do not give friendship speeches I give don't give up on life speeches you don't Have to have friends for those they go like this "I know you been threw a hell and back but don't give up when you're so close to making your life a heaven if you don't think your strong enough you are reality is what you make of it whether it be hell or heaven" and stuff like "are you born to resist or be abused" hard core stuff like that does it sound like a efffing friendship speech not to mention you only have to hear a speech like that once in a while not every FIVE seconds so what should I do to make sure that the rich douche and the friendship b#### and the horrible nick name**

-from

the girl that runs with the knives and wolves

Dear the girl that runs with knives and wolves,

Didn't I just reply to a question by you? You must need serious help. My advice to you is to take your favorite weapon from your room and kill the friendship b#### and the rich moron. Killing them will make the world a better place and show everyone that you are not a bunny, you're insane.

**Dear Baku-Florence,**

First off, could you let the pharaoh out of the closet? (Both the literal and figurative one...) now that that's out of the way, is the cake a lie? How do you feel about demons? (Mainly sexy demon butlers with British accents) and you shouldn't pick on mal- mar- WHATEVER HIS NAME IS! You can't really blame him for being stupid; he spent most of his life in a cave after all. And finally, what's your favorite j-rock/ j-pop band or singer? (Mines Len Kagamine!)

Hugs and kisses~

**I'll kill you in your sleep if you keep hurting Ryou **

Dear I'll kil—I'm not going to type the rest out,

I've happen to grown accustomed to having the pharaoh locked in my closest, his screams of misery and pain are very soothing. Yes the cake is very much a lie. I enjoy demons very much but I have no idea what you are talking about with demonic butlers. I will never cease to bother Marik, he's an idiot and he need to be treated like one. I really don't have a favorite j-rock/j-pop singer or band for I despise almost all music.

**Dear hot sexy kickass thief king of the universe,**

**okay Bakura I think I might have a yami I told my aunt that I had trouble standing up for myself on high school so my friends had to do it for me she told me that she used to have the same problem to in high school so she gave me this necklace And said it will solve all my problems it glowed a bit and I couldn't take it off then some guys were picking on me when I got to school it pissed me off but wasn't able to do anything about it then after school I blanked out and then I was home in my room which had machetes on the walls katanas in one corner axes in the next so I thought nothing out the usual just my favorite stuff I like to collect weapons then I saw a duel disk and a duel monsters deck that I didn't remember having and little bit of blood on one machete it was warm like someone used it then I started hearing a voices in my head But it was the same voice telling me what to do then I started blanking out more and more and one time I saw my 'yami'. .ran out of space continuation to my first email I saw my 'yami' her hair was a bit spikier than mine's she had a machete Around her waist entwined with my belt And a darker looking attire a duel disk around her arm cards and everything by the way I don't have a millennium item)and her eyes were dark and cold like the night and then I realized I wasn't in my body my 'yami' started to talk to my mind which was me and said "well well well look who's finally catching on I thought I was going to have to make a sign saying hey my dumbass hikari I'm living inside you!" I was offended cause you know sort of like trespassing on overly private land and then she explained how things worked and that every time I get overly out raged that she'd come out and when she felt like it so is this really a yami and I think I might also have a weapons fetish like I like how cold they feel against my bare skin and how it gets warm when you cut and red blood comes out and that their super awesome thanks sorry that it's so long**

Dear lengthy reviewer,

I have no idea how I am suppose to help with this but it does sound like you have a yami or that you a stuck in a really bad fan fiction. Random voices in your head and spiky hair are key signs of having a yami. I have to admit your yami sounds interesting though I like almost anyone who likes blood and weapons.

**Dear 'Florence,**

I want both of you guys to help me on this one. The people at school call me 'kitty-kat' and they crossed the line when they put cat ears on my head. Friggin' CAT EARS! Arrgh... what should I do..?

-Unluckynight

Dear Unluckynight,

Ryou and I deal with this issue all the time and I agree it's very irritating. Although my hikari is saying that you should to try to talk to the people about it peacefully and work things out, my advice is very simple: Kill them slowly and painfully.

**Dear Bakura-sama future ruler of the world,**

What do you think of Akefia, your sexy past self with a scar and a tan? The King of Thieves, you, you know?

Plus while I am a yaoi fangirl, I will restrain myself...oh screw it. Give Marik and Melvin some handcuffs...pink fluffy ones...that way you can see if they really are together!

Happy Fandom,

Lily Angel of Chaos

Dear Lily Angel of Choas,

I think that Akefia my past self was the best person ever to live. As for your other question I would never want to see that. Marik and Melvin probably already have handcuffs that they use every night but I seriously do not want to think about that. For Ra's sake that's just disgusting.

**Dear florence,**

I thought that you loved tabletop RPG's? Becuase that was the end season game of Yugioh... A giant TTRPG. And in season zero, you played that as your first game... You were the game master, remember?

-Stalker

Dear Stalker,

Considering how the end season game of Yugioh turned out for me, I try to forget about that. I guess I do like RPG's sometimes but Dual Monsters will always be my favorite.

**Dear Florence,**

WHAT? How in the world did you get into my ingenious hiding place for it? I demand you give it back RIGHT NOW! Or at least help me pass judgement on others to make a perfect world. That would work, too. But I will still be God of that world! And Mi- uh, I mean the second Kira will be my queen! ... You can be the court jester or something.

-TheFirstKira

Dear TheFirstKira,

A 'court jester or something'? Good job pissing off the guy wo has your notebook, not that you had a chance of getting it anyways. I'll pass judgement over whoever I want and I don't need you to tell me what to do. There's no way some moron like you would ever be a god of this world, you and Misa are both utterly stupid.

**Dear Florence,**

Thanks for confirming what I already knew! My friend wasn't happy when I told her about the insult, but it was worth it.  
And regarding the strangling: have you tried it yet? Did it WORK? Fingers crossed.

- Toaster-Omlette

Dear Toaster-Omlette,

I did try the strangling and it didn't really work, He just looked at me utterly confused and then gave me a lengthy friendship speech.

**Dear Ryou,**

My family is teasing me about me always wearing my dog hat. (mostly saying it's going to attach to my head one day and not come off) Do you think it's unhealthy to wear it all the time? =.= I mean I wash it and stuff so their shouldn't be a problem right?

-Skye

Dear Skye,

A dog hat sounds cool. I think I might go and find one to wear around, I know Bakura would love it. As for you question I don't tink it's unhealthy or any problems will occur as long as you wash it and take care of it.

-Ryou

**Dear Florence,**

...Which works better when trying to get rid of obnoxous Spanish teachers who make you cry in class? So for revenge..Should I steal her wallet or just shove her off a cliff AND steal her wallet? OH! And do you appreciate your fan girls? Me and my friend got into a arguement about it..She said you didn't so I stabbed her with my fork...hehehe

-Jeni 3

Dear Jeni 3,

I had the same problem with an obnoxious French teacher. For revenege I would shove her off a cliff and steal her wallet, it's more fun. To answer your fan-girl question I guess it depends on the fan girl. Some of them I like and other I stab to death.

**Dear Ryou,**

oh my friend is mad at me cuz I was mean to her brother

but the dude was creeping me out he keept trying to touch me so I slaped him and now she's mad howcan I cheer her up?

oh and will you give the Bakura the two cherry pies that came with this. Thankz

-VampirePrinssess

Dear VampirePrinssess,

I would try to talk to your friend about it and maybe bake her a pie. Everyone loves pie, I gave the two cherry pies to Bakura and he thinks they are delicious.

-Ryou

**Dear master of the shadows**

First off, I would like to tell you how awesome you are!

Seriously, you are awesome. Although you probably already knew that...your violence is great ;) I'm usually a sweet girl...but I have a dark side ;) Also, looking at TortureGirls letter, could I help with that? It sounds like fun, and I know a lot of many tortue techniques, ones I love practicing on that Pharoah, and I plan to on Marik...so could I join?

Speaking of Marik, he is SUCH an idiot. Seriously.

I am always hated in my school, but I don't even show my dark side. I just be a sweet girl because I don't want to hurt them but still they taunt. I'm going to show them pain- I already have many torture methods ready but I just wanted to ask if you wanted to join in . Seriosuly, I think you'll enjoy it - there will be lots of tortue and pain, trust me ;) I'll give you cheesecake! I have lots of it ready just in case, all flavours!

Here, have a hachet. I already have five so I might as well give you one. Oh, and some tortue tools...

This whole thing seems to have turned into a question show, so here's a question. Do you know the anime higurashi no naku koro ni? You know, the one with thise girls killing each other over and over? If you dont, go watch it. It won't take long and I'll give you extra cheesecake! Go watch it and tell me what you think!

Hey, wanna go torture someone? Mayble steal too? Oh and by the way, I know I spent torture wrong for most of this - I can't be bothered to go change it.

-Innocent Demon (I made that name as a little girl. I prefer AngelOfTorture)

(Just a note to Ryou- I hope I didn't scare you! You are a greet person and I wouldn't want to upset you, also I do have a sweet side...well, not really, but I try...sort of...)

Dear Innocent Demon,

Your letter has gave me a new outlook on this advice comlumn, maybe it isn't that terrible considering I got free cheesecake,a hatechet, torture tools, and a chance to spread pain and misery to your school. You can defintely help me and TortureGirl with our plans. I've never heard of that anime but once I'm done with this other series I'm watching I'll try it. Sure stealing and torturing someone sounds like fun. Also thanks for scaring Ryou I apreeciate it.

**Dear Florence,**

Glad you liked the gifts! I like BB and Mello too! But my best mate likes ryuk best cos hes awsome. So any least favourite charecters? Mine is Misa I can't stand her! Oh by the way there is this bitch who is really pushing her luck with me and Rio wants to know the best way to kill her without anyone knowing, any advice?

~Fangs,Rio & Luca

Dear Fangs,Rio &Luca,

Ryuk is also pretty funny, I like him too. Misa is my least favorite as well because she is so stupid and just plain annoying. There are a lot of ways of killing someone without anyone knowing maybe posion her drink or food or stabbing her. If you need any help I'll be glad to lend a hand.

**Dear Florence,**

**Thanks for the advice, It made me feel better. Just for that, you two should watch this show called,, YU-Gi-Oh: the abridged series. It's hilarious. Also, I have a death party coming up, its where you pinn the person most hated to a wall and slowly torture until death does he/she part. Sorry for being personal also, but Florence do you think you can... um... kill... look I know I shouldn't be talking about killing, but... I need this bitch to die! I mean who the fuck makes fun of my fucking sorrow! NO ONE! THAT'S WHO! KILL HER KILL HER TODAY!**

-kRAZYNKUKI

Dear KRAZYNKUKI,

I do watch Yu-Gi-Oh: the abridged series and I agree a lot of it is hirlarious except the parts that pur me and Marik together or mock me at all. Also I'm a little ticked off by how long we have to wait a new episode and the fact that stupid YouTube keeps taking his channel down. I think I'm going to need to torture someone to make me feel less angry. I'd be happy to kill whoever is pissing you off, it'd make me feel better too.

**Dear Bakura, Ryou,**

what would you do if you're swarmed by fan girls do to a name, them pitying you do to a massacre, and what they think they'll gain in the future. i would kill them, but their's a stupid law against it and i don't really feel like becoming a missing-nin.

-Sasuke

Dear Sasuke,

Screw the laws, I have knives and I want to torture and/or kill someone.

**Dear Florence,**

You can borrow my entire army if you like! *gestures at the many many baby minions she has "acquired"* You can also borrow my mother. *points at the drooling, rabid meal ticket in the corner* Err... Please don't tell anyone I refer to her as my meal ticket. I don't want to go back to the padded room, and they're out for my BLOOD! But seriously, I can't believe I'm related to her. I mean look at her!

A-Anyway...

I had fun at the last meeting, did you and Ryou? Seriously, the cheesecake-and-creampuff-buffet people really outdid themselves... Not to mention the out-of-town killing spree was great stress relief. (Sorry, Ryou... I can't help being insane. Blame the friendship freak. It's all her fault. The blood's on her hands. I bet you must have been a little shocked to hear that Lady Friendship would do such a terrible, barbaric thing to an unarmed short girl such as poor little me. That was back when I was sane and didn't kill people for the fun of it, so I was defenceless. I just hated friendship freaks like any smart person would. Then I started killing them when I got out of the padded room. They wouldn't let me amputate The Abomination.) I saw you, I think. A flamethrower, right?

I got some good news! The doctor says my leg has finally healed enough that I can get The Abomination tattooed over! (Of course he says it would have healed faster if I wasn't constantly trying to amputate or claw off The Abomination. It totally calls for the capitalisation.) Since I don't have to pay for it, should I just have it tattooed back to my regular skin tone, or get something anti-Friendship/Royal Asswipe? Or something else entirely...? I'm open to suggestions from both of you.

Also, if you're killing the friendship squad, you can borrow my arsenal of weapons and my personal torture chamber if you need it. Make 'em suffer~

Exactly. Fellow weapon maniacs (And Ryou, 'cause he's nice) are probably the only people I can actually tolerate the presence of. With everyone else, I have to kill stuff afterwards. And blow things up, etc.. Don't they just grate on your nerves? Maybe we (as in all who adore weapons and mayhem) should just pack up and go someplace else. Make a Utopia for homicidal maniacs or something.

-AxeMurderess

Dear AxeMurderess,

The last meeting was a great success, I've never had so much fun in my life. When's the next meeting? I think I'll take you up on that offer and borrow your army, arsenal of weapons, and torture chamber because I really need to torture some friendship freaks to relieve my stress. As for your tatoo I would get something anti-friendship just to spite the friend ship freaks. Also the Utopia of homicidal maniac sounds like something I'd like to be a part of as long as I was ruler.

**Dear God a ruler of earth for all eternity,**

I was wondering if you like cupcakes. Chocolate cupcakes to be exact. If yes, then I shall send you a whole basket next review!

Also, do you love RpG's? Like virtual RpG's. Cause I'm making one, and your in it. Along with Ryou, and Yami, (but he's dead, so he technically doesn't count), and many others.

Your loyal follower who dares not stalk you,  


**-YumiStar**

**P.S. You should get a top hot. Top hats are sexy**

Dear YumiStar,

I love any kind of dessert, especially chocolate cupacakes. I've never played a RPG so I guess I don't know if I like them. I'll consider getting a top hat and I'll be looking forward to the cupcakes.

**Dear Florence,**

Why do you think that 99.99% of the world's population is stupid? I just can't figure it out . . . . . . Also I can't think of a name to give to the main (female) character in this story I'm writing. Any ideas?

-MagicIsFun

Dear MagicIsFun,

I think everyone is stupid because of people like Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber. Also because stupid people keep breeding making stupid offspring. It might be too late for it now but how about Tessa or Clary those are the two names that came to mind.

**Dear God of all things Dark,**

I left some Red Velvet cake on your desk, complete with a can of whip cream and warm tea as motivation to help massacre. I've been quite blank also. I like the poison idea, and I've heard of a poison that makes your heart pump too much blood and it ultimately kills you, running out of every opening in your body. But then I thought, "Hmm, not everyone will eat lunch." So it may not work. Any ideas now?

**From, Torture Girl**

Dear Torture Girl,

Between the cupcakes and other desserts I'm starting to think all you reviewers have some plan to get me fat or something but I do appreciate the Red Velvet cake, it's delicious. I guess you're right, well I suppose you could put some sort of toxin in vents of the school causing everyone to breathe in the chemicals.

**Dear god of all things cool and evil,**

sorry about my friend... I didn't think she would actually ask you a question again I am sooooo sorry. Any way I was wondering what is in a book that you like? Don't kill too many fan girls.

Dear, nice guy

I was wondering do you have a good recipe for sugar cookies? If so would you send me it, I loved your cupcakes and I'll stay a good little girl promise,

have a nice day

-Little-Angel

Dear Little-Angel,

Its fine, I like a lot of angst and violence in the books I read. Ryou said he's glad you enjoyed the cupcakes and sent you his favorite recipe for sugar cookies.

**Dear Fluffy and Bunny (you know which ones you are),**

Out of curiosity, what do you two think of the anime "Soul Eater"? Because I think that Florence and Medusa would get along very well. Or with Ragnarok. Or both.

And, since so many people have negative feelings towards Mary Sue, I say we all get together and sign a petition that removes her from her teaching position! ... Just kidding! We don't sign a petition! We use the paper to give her paper cuts on her eyeballs, and pour lemon juice in her eyes! Muahahahahaha!

A minion when you need one, fellow crazy when you don't,

-TsundereTeen

Dear TsundereTeen,

Because of this review I started reading the manga Soul Eater and watching the anime, I really like it. I agree I think Medusa and I would get along great. I definitely like the idea of using the paper to give her cuts. This made me chuckle.

**Dear Florence,**

why do I have to be chained to L Lawliet? ugg. If only I knew his name I could... light yaga

**- Kira.**

Dear Light Imagay,

You are chained to L because you're an idiot and L is a thousand times smarter than you. I may like your idea of killing people left and right but that doesn't mean that you aren't an absolute moron. Besides I am the one who is going to rule the world not you.

**Dear Florence,**

I'll kill you if you kill Marik! You think I'm kidding? I already sent a bomb to you now. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Btw, I think YOU are the gay one!

Q: I have three (Or more) inner-people in my head. Me and I killed Myself, will You be next? Or Them?

-Major fangirl of Marik

Dear insane girl (and I don't mean insane in a good way)

I will do as I please and if that means killing Marik then oh well more fun for me. That supposed bomb you sent me went to the wrong house and blew up the neighbor's dog instead. Poor little Rookie didn't know what hit him. I think I'm going to go and torture Marik now.

**Dear god of all things cool and evil,**

Sorry about my friend she's a bit... well you know. Any way I think I'll stay with the light side because I love cup cakes. Finally my question, If you were on a cliff and the person you love was hanging on a sweet guy was witch one would you save?

Dear sweet guy,

Alright you talked me into it I'll stay on the light side, but I must ask what is you favored cup cake? oh and if you and GATCE ( it stands for God of all things cool and evil.) were out shopping what do you do to keep him under control? the reason I ask is because one of my- scratch that most of my friends are crazy and I need to know how to make sure they don't kill anybody, I just don't have time to plan a funeral.  
-Angel7698  
P.S you are doing a great job!

Dear Angel7698,

First of all I don't love anyone. Secondly I'd probably be the person who pushed them off the cliff in the first place but if I had to save one of them it would be the sweet guy I guess.

-Florence

Dear Angel7698,

I'm so glad you are staying on the light side, my favorite cupcake is chocolate. There is no possible way to control Bakura that I know of, if you find a way please let me know.

**Dear Florence,**

For both Bakura and Ryou: What would you say if a reincarnated Egyptian priest who's now a child multimillionaire founded a school where children can learn to play a children's card game in about 15 years?

Ryou: When you graduate college (presuming you want to go to college...?), what do you want to do for a living? At said college, what would your major and minor degrees be? What do you think would be a suitable career choice for someone who lives in the morally grey? Do you enjoy cooking, or are you just really good at it? Would you ever host a cooking show? Is there anyone in the world that you genuinely hate?

Bakura: Would YOU go to college, given the opportunity? What would your major and minor degrees be? What would you choose as a (LEGAL) career? What would you recommend as a suitable career for someone who lives in the morally grey? Are you a good cook, or is that just Ryou? Do you have photographic memory? Which do you prefer, thievery or murder? Is there anyone in the world that you genuinely love?

- NitrogenFixation

Dear Nitrogen Fixation,

I would burn that school to the ground, Kaiba should not be able to open a school to teach moronic children how to play a children's card game. I wouldn't go to college they don't teach you anything useful and I'm already very intelligent, it would just annoy me and I'd end up killing everyone. Does the career HAVE to be legal? I guess I would be a police officer; I could shoot someone and say it was an 'accident'. I can cook pretty well but Ryou does all the cooking cause it is the only thing he is better than me at doing. Yes I have a photographic memory, you really like asking questions. Thievery or murder? That's a tough answer but I'll say Thievery since I am the King of Thieves. Yes there is someone I genuinely love but I'm not going to tell you who it is.

-Florence

Dear Nitrogen Fixation,

I would like to be a psychologist when I graduate because I think I can help people. I would probably major is psychology but I'd have to look into it more. I love to cook and I am pretty good at it, I cook all the meals at home. I don't know if my cooking skills merit a cooking show but I guess if Martha Stewart has a show I could have one as long as people watched it. No one that comes to mind, I'm a lover not a hater.

-Ryou

**Dear Florence and Ryou,**

**I am a fan fiction writer and I have a pretty popular story, actually it's about you two. The problem is I haven't updated for a couple months because of various reasons and I think my reviewers are going to kill me. You see a majority of them have violent tendencies and I'm a bit afraid.**

**-FFwriter9810**

Dear FFwriter9810,

If I were you I'd update more often and run and hide.

**Dear Florence..er.. Bakura**

Some of my friends are planning to gang up on me to put make-up on me and dress me up. I do NOT want that to happen! Apparently I need to be more of a "girl". What should I do? I don't want to kill them because they accept my obsession for dark, bloody, sharp objects...and they are my friends.

Well that's all for now. I hope you like the Blood Pops I sent you.

-Nobody's Chain

Dear Nobody's Chain,

The Blood Pops were yummy, thanks. As for your question I would scare the somehow and threaten them so that they won't force you to dress up and be someone you don't want to be.

**Dear Florence-**

How do I join the Dark side, is there some special meeting place or, signup sheet, and if there's some sort of club, what should I wear to it?

P.S. If you answer this I shall give you my collection of Green Day CD'S ( I have the new one) and all my Three Days Grace CD's

-The Guy Who Shot Kaiba

Dear The Guy Who Shot Kaiba,

Your name made me laugh. There is no meeting place or club to join the dark side; you just have to do evil things. I you are looking for some group to kill or torture people I think AxeMurderess might have one if you want to join. Wait, there's a new Green Day CD?

A/N: I really am sorry for not updating in forever. Now that I'm not busy I'm going to try and update every week. Thanks to everyone who reviews : ) you guys are amazing.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh**

**"...because stupid people keep breeding making stupid offspring."**

**Do you know what the single best argument I've ever found for why smart people should have kids? Idiocracy. Seriously, I'm not kidding (as in, I literally said, "That was the single best argument for why people who are "smart" should have kids - provided that actually bother to instill proper values of schooling and intelligence in these children.")**

**Also, a question (3) for Ryou:**

**You put up with a lot of crap from Bakura, right? Is this because you're a broken spirit with no reason for living or you actually have an indomitable will (after a fashion) and insist on believing in the best of people? Or is there some other, unknown reason?**

**For Bakura:**

**Your opinion on nicknames?**

**-Miss Hinata **

Dear Miss Hinata,

Yeah I suppose I do put up with a lot of crap from Bakura. I like to think the reason I put up with him is because I believe the best in people and I think there is some other unknown reason.

-Ryou

The beginning of your letter could not be truer. Idiots should not be allowed to breed, when I take over this world I'll make sure no more morons exist because they annoy me. As for my opinion on nicknames, I don't mind them as long as no one is trying to give me a nickname.

- Florence

**Dear Bakura,**

**My friend and I have plans to take over the world is there going to be a problem?**

**~SilentInsanity**

Dear SilentInsanity,

No there is no problem because you're pathetic plans will fail. If by some miracle you do succed then there will be a huge problem that would result in your friend's and yours painful deaths.

**Dear Florence the ruler of awesomeness,**

**If you had to go out with Ryou, Marik, or Yami Marik whom would you go out with? Personally I think you would go for Ryou because he's the perfect uke (submissive)! Marik and Yami Marik would probably fight for the roll of seme (dominant). Unless...You're secretly a uke yourself! **

**~Yaoi-is-my-anti-drug**

**P.S.- My friend says you should totally be in a relationship with Tea Gardner. I'm currently plotting revenge for that not super special awesome comment.**

Dear Yaoi-is-my-anti-drug,

What the hell kind of question is that? Marik would not be a seme considering he's a pathetic fool. His Yami is utterly insane so he's out of the question. So I guess it would be between Marik and Ryou and that's the best answer you're going to get on that topic. I'm glad you're plotting revenge on your friend for that comment because my list of people I have to kill is already too long so any help I can get is appreciated.

**Dear Florence,**

**This is I speaking. I'm just here to warn you that me has gone insane because the wrong address. That happens a lot actually...anyways, I have her under control right now but she could escape any second so...I don't know, I'll send flowers to your grave or something...bye.**

**Me:WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL! But not you, Ryou. Your cookies can kill. KIIIIIIIIIIIILL!**

**Little One: I'm new here and I'm sorry we took up your time. And yes, Ryou your cookies CAN kill. I gave it to a puppy and it dropped over dead. I think you should fix that.**

**-Overly obsessed Marik fan girl that has gone crazy.**

Dear Overly obsessed Marik fan girl that has gone crazy,

Bakura is confused and decided to go get a cup of coffee so I guess I'll reply. I'm glad that I spared because of my cookies but I never meant to kill anyone especially a cute puppy. I'll see if I did something wrong or if Bakura did something to them.

-Ryou

**Dear Bakura, God Of All Things Evil,**

**About a week ago, a few stupid kids brought up the game Duel monsters in my school classroom. They mocked it and said it was, "Just a stupid card game for babies!" I wanted to tear their heads off immediately, but I left my favorite pocketknife (blue and green swirls ;)) at home by mistake. Is it too late for payback? Also, what's the best method for tearing a head off? Have you ever been in a similar situation?**

**One more off topic question: Why do you hate it when people call you "Fluffy" or "Florence"? It could be worse you know...**

**~MidKnightPrincess~**

Dear MidKnightPrincess,

Yes I've been in many similar situations when some idiot had the audacity to say that Duel Monsters was a 'children's card game.' If it is so childish then why do adult and teens play it like Pegasus and Kaiba? Also it is never to late for payback. I don't know if a pocketknife could tear a head off, you might need something bigger.

**Dear Florence,**

**This girl I was friends with just completely stabbed me in the back to go hang out with more popular slutty girls. I think this is like the third time this has happened so I usually don't care but the way she did it was so BITCHY I just can't stand it! And even when we were still friends she was a stupid stuck up know it all who hit on anything that moves! (Including some of my girl friends and the guy I've been in love with for the past two years!)**

**Anyway, I want revenge! She gave me this ankh ring some time ago because of my obsession with Egypt but I wanted to send it back to her in a totally cruel yet legal way. I'd kick her ass but she's twice my size and I'm no all that strong. So what is your advice for non-violent but equally as painful revenge?**

**(P.s. Love the column! ^_^)**

**-I Usually Don't Care**

Dear I Usually Don't Care,

A non-violent but equally painful revenge? Hmm..I'll come up with something eventually. I'll handle it for free of charge since I can't think of any advice**.**

**Dear Florence, or Ryou, Or Bakura, Or Whoever The Heck Is Answering This!**

**Yes there's a new one! , It's called (I Hope I don't get banned for the title) Awesome As F**K, Its Got A New Song, And Some other Stuff...**

**P.S. Stole Half Of Wal-Mart and still nothing**

**P.P.S. Did You Know That Someone Made A Fan fiction Of Marik And Ryou As Six Year Olds! , And That Ryou Is Blind In It!**

**- The Guy Who Shot Kaiba**

Dear The Guy Who Shot Kaiba,

The new Green Day CD sounds pretty cool. To truly be on the Dark Side you have to do things worse than stealing half of Wal-Mart but that is a good start. I'm also not surprised about the fan fic, nowadays every fan fic writer comes up with some weird idea that they think will make a great story.

**Dear God of all things Dark,**

**Ok, I won't give you sweets anymore. **

**Now, that idea. I like it! Make sure you haul you and Ryou's ass out of there. I'll leave a note for you when I put the toxins in. Tell Ryou that he needs to buff up.**

**From, Torture Girl**

Dear Torture Girl,

I tell Ryou he needs to toughen up everyday and the idiot doesn't listen. I look forward to the note.

**Dear Florence,**

**Why didn't the strangling work? It's not like it's all that difficult. Yugi is a titchy midget with the strength of a...of...something really weak, anyways. The next time he tries a speech whack him over the head...wait, actually, don't, you might stab yourself. **

**I am addicted to the computer. WTF do I do? (The obvious thing being stop writing silly letters like this and get off right now, but...meh.)**

**- Toaster-Omlette**

Dear Toaster Omlette,

I wish I could tell you how to stop your Internet addiction however I find myself going on the computer more and more. I blame fan fiction; it's too amusing to read. My advice is to find a hobby that doesn't involve the use of the computer. Torturing, planning murderous plots, and making people's lived a living a hell is a lot of fun, they are my favorite things to do.

**Dear Florence,**

**You're off about the 99.99% figure. It's more like... 99.99999999999999999999999% of people are idiots. Also, what would you do to a gate that sends anyone who stepped into it flying? Even if they don't have wings to control the flight...**

**-Talow Rosine**

**P.S: Learn Chaos Blast, it'll help if you want to obliterate everyone an area. Including fan girls.**

Dear Talow Rosine,

I would send all the idiots and the friendship squad through the gate and make sure they suffer. I'll keep Chaos Blast in mind for when I see someone I truly hate, there are rare occasions where fan girls don't bother me.

**Dear Florence,**

**Glad you had fun. :) We generally have meetings on the first and last Saturday of each month. Have fun with them~! I found the perfect anti-friendship tattoo, and I love it. ^^ I wouldn't want to be ruled by anyone but you, you're like the epitome of evil awesomeness. It wouldn't be right if we were ruled by anyone else.**

**Ack, I hate hospitals... I might just firebomb the hospital after they finish my treatment (I got sick. My hatred of needles has been renewed.) You can join in if you like.**

**-AxeMurderess**

Dear AxeMurderess,

I'd love to join in firebombing the hospitals. Just for the 'epitome of evil awesomeness' comment you can have a part in my kingdom. You can rule some country or something. I don't like hospitals very much either but I do enjoy sending someone to the hospital and I like needles.

**A Dude**

**Florence,**

**My girlfriend keeps blabbering about bridges, "thief ships," "show an eye," and "Oh Tae Pee" and cr*p. What the h*ll is wrong with her? I'm pretty sure she said your name too, so I figure you should know.**

**-Rob**

Dear Rob,

Your girlfriend sounds like she is a fangirl. Fangirlism is a deadly disease so I would take her to a therapist and/or keep her away from me.

**Dear Florence,**

**Some blond guy in a purple hoodie randomly invaded my house the other day. He ate all the food in the fridge, stole all my hair care products, berated me for not having any "p*rnographic comic books," and than started screaming about his "fluffy kitty" being missing. I ended up locking him in the basement closet.**

**I think he said his name was Malik Blishtar or something. Is he related to that Marik person you keep going on about? And can you get him out of the closet and out of my house? I'd *really* appreciate it. The idiot won't shut up.**

**Sincerely,**

**Lady Sunami**

Dear Lady Sunami,

*Sigh* Yeah that's the idiot Marik. I really don't want to be stuck with him but since no one should have to endure the torture of having to hear him talk I'll get him out of the closet as soon as possible.

**Dear the epic, awesome, evil but super hot Florence,**

**Can I pretty please borrow one of your chainsaws? Pretty please with sugar and blood on top? Let's just say... there's this guy that's being a complete douche to ma friends... and...he...must...DIE! Or you could let me borrow your Millennium Ring so I could send him to the Shadow Realm ;)**

**By the way... *gives evil smirk* if you need any help murdering Marik...be sure to let me know ;) **

**-from**

**Normally nice girl that has turned murderous**

**P.S. Do you like any card games other than duel monsters? Like, oh, I dunno...solitaire? Or maybe cheat? I bet you'd be good at that one ;)**

Dear Normally nice girl that has turned murderous,

Your name is really long. I'll allow you to borrow one of my chainsaws but I can't let you borrow my Millennium Ring because it is kind of important to me and I have this rule that I don't let idiot mortals touch it. I do like to play Go Fish with Ryou if I'm seriously bored. Good luck with dealing with the guy, let me know how it turns out.

**Dear Florence,**

**There is a b**** I sit next to in class and she b***es about me all the time, but gets stroppy when I tell her what I think of her to her face because I'm not a coward like her. So if I pay you in cheesecake (?) and knives will you deal with her for me please? Also the guy I like always hangs with her and talks to me as well, but I worry that it's just for pity. Also I love evil people in animes, is there something wrong with me?**

**-Think about me and regret what you said ()**

Dear ,

I like evil people in animes as well so I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I'll take care of her especially if you pay me in cheesecake and knives, two of my favorite things.

**Dear Florence**

**Yay! You took Kira's notebook, I didn't want to die**

**Well vampires don't die from heart attacks but still **

**Anyway do you or Ryou like Mario? Cause I can't stop playing, right now I'm play**

**DAMN I JUST DIED :(**

**Oh here have some cookies, you know we want some, they're chocolate chip!**

**-VampirePrinssess**

Dear VampirePrinssess,

No problem I wanted the Death Note anyways, it's a very useful item. We both like Mario it's a very fun game. Also thanks for the cookies they are very delicious.

**Dear Florence,**

**I'm a little peeved right now, you see I had to go and kill the broad myself, which wasn't a good idea considering I was still on probation. Now I'm stuck here and was wondering if you could send Ryou to bail me out. I can't really ask you considering your already wanted for- I won't say. The money is in a purple box with the word death written on it. If anyone else opens it don't worry, its like Pandora's box. If you shouldn't be opening it a random death awaits you.**

**Anyways, I need more advice; I just recently discovered from my Doctor that I have this ADD/ADHD. What is it and what do I do to cure it?**

**-KrazynKuki **

Dear KrazynKuki,

I sent Ryou to get the bail money, I was tempted to send Marik just to see what would happen but I decided against it. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, I don't know the specifics but it is where you have a lack of attention and impulsive behavior. I'm pretty sure there are treatments and medication for it but I would talk to your doctor and parents about it.

**Dear Florence,**

**How do you find gay people without a millennium gaydar? The only place in town where people gather is the bloody mall. I've seen the crowds and I'm not going in there without my machete. Also, can you at least hint as to whom you love? I'll send you a scimitar (mild red stain) if you answer me (shameless bribery).**

**Dear Ryou,**

**What is your all-time favorite dessert? Mine is ice cream with bits of chocolate, m&m's and mini marshmallows in it. I'll send you both some, it's very good.**

**Thank you for answering this, I adore you both.**

**-Demonhedgehog**

Dear Demonhedgehog,

I usually see gay people at the mall but I don't go to many places and I almost always have my gaydar handy so I never really worry about where I can find people. I'll give you a hint the person whom I love has a Millennium Item.

-Florence

My favorite dessert is apple pie at the moment. I don't know why but it sounds really good right about now. However your dessert sounds very good! Thanks for sending me some.

-Ryou

**Dear fuzzball,**

**Do you ever visit strip clubs? And if so, to gay ones? I'm not being personal! Just curious! P.S Pervy perv.**

**From CandyassGoth**

Dear CandyassGoth,

I have no need to visit strip clubs; people throw themselves at me everyday. Ryou doesn't either for he is way too innocent. Besides I have a boyfr—

**Dear Florence,**

**Thank you for your earlier advice, everything is better now. So all I have to ask is... umm... ok I have no questions, I just wanted to thank you. **

**So thanks a lot. **

**Don't F*** with my friends**

Dear Don't F*** with my friends,

Your welcome, it's my duty as a student who is forced to write this column to give advice.

**Dear, sweet guy**

**I have found out how to keep my friends under control! Just keep something shiny and flash it in there eyes then they forget what they were doing just a few moments ago... I know strange but it works, what you may want to do is before going shopping take something he hold dear the ever time he misbehaves do something to it... well that's all I have and thanks for all your help :),**

**Angle7698**

Dear Angle7698,

I'm glad that you found a way to keep them under control. I tried to wave something shiny in front of the Pharaoh and his pathetic friends and I was surprised to find that it worked.

**Dear Ba-I mean Florence,**

**Why so British?**

**Love,**

**Your fangi- I mean, your stal- I mean, Curious, yeah, Curious...**

Dear person,

Why so curious?

-Florence

Bakura looked at his newly finished column and couldn't help but smile a little. He actually liked writing this, it was good to know that there were some normal and intelligent people out there. Then he heard the clicking of high heels coming closer and he frowned.

"Mr. Bakura it has come to my attention that although your advice column has slightly improved it is still promoting violence. I was watching the news today and there was a story about how teenagers these days are more violent and I couldn't help but think that it was true." Miss Sue said glaring at Bakura.

"I'm sorry ma'am I'll try harder to make the column more positive." Bakura lied.

"I'm sorry Mr. Bakura but your next column will be your last." Miss Sue said with a smile that didn't make Bakura believe that she was sorry about anything. She then walked quickly away.

So that is chapter 11 : ) Please keep the reviews coming they make my day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, I wish I did though…**

**Dear Florence,**

Thank you and Ryou for what you did. Appreciate it. Also this ADD isn't all that bad so why do people put it down so much?

-KrazynKuki with ADD

Dear KrazynKuki,

No problem. People look down upon it so much because a majority of the population is idiots who think Canada is a state and that Spain is in North America. Don't pay attention to morons, it only encourages their stupidity.

**Dear God, and Ruler of Earth for all Eternity, (who should have a top hat)**

*gives cupcakes* sorry for the long wait. I have no internets at my home, so I'm using my mom's phone. Because it's better than mine.

Okay, first Ryou-

Do you like playing MySims on the wii? Do you even own a wii for that matter? I promise you creampuffs if you answer!

Now Bakura-

Do you also like playing MySims as well? You most likely own a wii, because you most likely stole it. And do you also like zombies? Who doesn't like zombies?

And is Thief King Akeifa (Bakura still to some) there, too? Is he hiding like a ninja somewhere, or is he still in Ancient Egypt causing mass chaos?

From your loyal follower who dare not stalk you,

-YumiStar

P.S. You should still get that top hat.

P.P.S. Also, Bakura, we're not trying to make you fat. We just luvs ya!

Dear YumiStar,

No worries, you guys wait long enough for this column to come out. As for the MySims, I've played Sims before but is that different than MySims? We did own a Wii but someone coughBakuracough broke it after he found out he missed watching the Kardashian Wedding special.

-Ryou

I haven't played MySims and the above story (which I'm going to hurt Ryou for) is the answer to the whether or not I own a Wii question. I love zombies; my favorite video is Resident Evil. Wesker seems like a great guy.

-Bakura

I might be doing all three. Why would I tell you about my plans?

-Thief King Akeifa

(Author: I want to draw Bakura in a top hat now for some reason :P )

**Dear, Fluffy pretty little kitty cat (Oh ya, I went there)**

I'm from a alterative universe were me and your light are dating and I'm about to meet you and I heard about all the fun you had with Ryou like stabbing his hand and arm, and almost getting him killed, so should I rip out both your arms, shove one up your ass and the other down your throat, or send you through as much pain as possible, and break one of your arms in 7 different places? Oh and I can because the your shadow magic does not affect me and I have the power of aura on my side.

-I'm gonna kill you slowly and painfully

P.S. I'm not insane, just protective over my Ryou-Kun.

P.S.S. I love you Ryou. :)

P.S.S.S. I'm gonna kill you Bakura after I separate you and Ryou! :D

Dear I'm going to kill you slowly and painfully,

What makes you think Ryou will want to date someone who sounds almost more insane than I am? Just because my shadow magic can't affect you (even though I think that is complete bull.) doesn't mean you can take me. I'm still stronger than you are and I'm positive I would be the one killing you very slowly or just making you wish I was so merciful that I would kill you. Besides Ryou is already dating someone.

**Dear Florence,**

Hullo, Florence, erm...well I guess your name must be Bakura? Oh, yeah! I know you; you're Ryou from English, right? Anyways, I have a few questions to ask you:

1. How exactly does one calibrate a gaydar?

2. Is your hair naturally white? It's quite attractive.

3. Do you play any instruments? If so, do you like the sound of an oboe? It's so exotic~

4. What are your thoughts on cosplaying hot Egyptian spirits that like to steal things? ^/^

5. What is your favorite scent?

6. How do you get your hair to be so fluffy? It's gorgeous!

Thanks for listening (reading) to me spout this useless crap. Hope to hear back soon!

-Mary H.

**PS. OH SHIT! MY NAME'S MARY AND I WAS SCROLLING THROUGH THE REVIEWS, WHY DO THEY WANT TO KILL ME? UM...ERM...KAIBA DID IT!**

Dear Mary H.,

Don't worry you aren't going to be killed, they are angry at another Mary. Yes it is my natural color; I do not bleach it or whatever. I play the piano occasionally and sometimes the guitar. I like oboes; I like all musical instruments though Ryou plays the triangle which I think it a tad pathetic. Mari has been trying to get me to join some Styx cover band but I have been declining him. I've never cosplayed but I guess I wouldn't have to work to hard at being a hot Egyptian sprit that is a kept considering that describes me perfectly. My favorite scent? Fear and blood. I use L'Oreal because I'm worth it duh. My gaydar is pretty difficult to calibrate, it pretty much hates everyone even me which is understandable.

**Dear Florence an' Fluffy,**

Ya see, I keep on having' dese dreams where I'm bein' chased by a really slow dragon, sometimes three of 'em. Den, next thing I know, I'm at my Masta's- I mean, some rich jerk's feet in a dog suit, den we have really hot dream s3x. It happens about three or four times a night, an' when I wake up, I get da urge ta yiff or hump Kaib- I mean, da same rich jerk from before. Sometimes, it makes me wanna eat kibble.

Since I'm so busy keepin' up my Brooklyn accent, I can't think enough ta figure dis out. Am I a furry?

**-Nyeh**

Dear Joey,

Yes you are most definitely a furry and yes you most definitely are having sex with Kaiba.

**Dear Bakura, (cause we all know your name isn't Florence)**

I have several questions to ask you if you wouldn't mind answering them...

-I found this supply closet in my school auditorium that has a crowbar, an ax, a giant wrench, some chains and various other potentially dangerous objects. Should I take advantage of this?

-Also, recently I have been forced to act submissive around my peers. They constantly make fun of me for no reason and I want to brutally murder them. But if I do, I will probably be forced to go back to the insane asylum. What should I do?

-Last question, I can't decide on my favorite weapons. Should I use an ax, kamas, or a mace to do what needs to be done? Maybe a combination of the three?

~IcyShadows

P.S. I WILL MURDER THAT MARY PERSON. I JUST STARTED READING THIS TODAY HOW DARE SHE TAKE IT AWAY SO QUICKLY? 8U

Dear IcyShadows,

I always mind answering these questions but I'm forced to do it anyways. They say there is no such thing as a stupid question but your first question just proved them wrong. Of course you should take advantage of any dangerous objects you find. First of all don't let morons bother you too much, stand up to them and if all else fails give me their names and I will take care of it. That is a tough question; I would use a combination of all three.

**Dear, Florence sucks the school gave you that name when you seem so bad ass**

I have an awesome girlfriend you know the girl that runs with knives and wolves and she is the best girlfriend I've ever had she doesn't bitch about everything doesn't care about anniversaries or crap like that isn't stuck up and likes all the things I like and is very beautiful she puts the Victoria secret models to shame

The problem is this girl who gives friendship speeches ever five seconds and she keeps hitting on me and she does not get the message I pushed her down a flight of steps left a death threats. In her locker. Put on a hockey mask and chased her with machete and nothing worked and I can't kill her cause then I'll get sent to jail and never see my girlfriend again you got any solution?

P.s can you make it as legal as possible

From the Man that runs with wolves

Dear Man that runs with wolves,

For a small price I can solve all your problems. Just leave it to me and I'll take care of that friendship preaching moron. Multiple people have already asked if I would take care of her and I'm getting around to it. I have already started to plan a very violent dea—ah maybe I shouldn't be discussing my plans in this column. Anyways just trust me, I got it under control.

**Dear Kitty Kura**

Yes I like that name for you, Bakura. How do you feel about bottoming? Would you ever do it? Even if you were paid?

^.^ Candyass

Dear Candyass,

You're lucky I'm even replying you your question after you called me kitty. For the last time people, I am not a kitty! The next person who calls me kitty will have molten silver poured in their ears! I'm not kidding. I would possibly do it if someone paid me an extraordinary amount. Marik loves bottoming; he does it all the time.

**Dear Miss Sue,**

My name is Miss Hinata. I'm afraid I can only give you my fanfiction pen-name and not my legal one because you /are/ a complete stranger that I'm sending this to over the internet.

The reason for this letter is the matter of Bakura Ryou's advice column. I understand that the school does not wish to promote violence, but I can't help but disagree with this decision to cut his column.

The questions and answers do promote violence, there's no denying that. But, for as violent as the column apparently is, has there been any real connection to any violent teen crimes and this column? Most of the advice is ludicrous - do you honestly believe an average teen could pull it off?

I personally believe that this column should be allowed to continue its existence. It's absolutely mental, but it has its moments of brilliance. Not only that, Ryou /does/ need to be more involved in school and he appears to enjoy this.

Perhaps, instead of removing the column, you could put it on a period of probation. If, for two months, this column does not violate school policies, it would no longer be in danger of being abolished. Furthermore, unless a minimum of fifteen students and five teachers complained about and/or reported it, you would no longer be able to threaten him with cancellation. Would this be a suitable solution?

Signed,

Miss Hinata

...

Please give this to Miss Sue. I'm not sure it will help but, hey! If it does, you get two months to redeem yourself. Hmm, if she /does/ accept the terms I offered, just answer with the exact opposite of whatever you mean. I'm sure readers will be able to figure it out if you explain the situation.

Failing that, I suggest you get a fanfiction account and start posting this there. I'm sure readers will flock to this column and send you many reviews~!

And if she accepts the terms - and you're on your best behavior for the duration of the two months - and she /still/ decides to nix it, you should take it up with the school board. You might get somewhere.

Hope this helps,

- Miss Hinata

Dear Miss Hinata,

Thank you for the letter, I will give it to Miss Sue and hopefully it work. I don't see any why this column would be cancelled besides a certain guidance counselor's personal issues with it. No one should worry because there is no way I'm going to stop this column just because someone else told me I have to, if I'm going to stop it will be on my own terms.

**Dear Bakura,**

well ok but when you take over the world we can still cause chaos and blow stuff up right?

Dear Ryou

I would like your opinion on the mini muffins that were left on your desk it seems that you're the guy to go to when it comes to baking

~SilentInsanity

Dear SilentInsanity,

Of course you can blow stuff up and cause chaos, if you are still alive. Ryou and I both enjoyed the mini muffins therefore they are really good.

**Dear Florence,**

Plotting murderous plots is an excellent idea. The only problem is that I have no way of following them through...and there really aren't that many people that I want to kill. How can I find more people to add to my hit list and then get away with murder?

- Toaster-Omlette

Dear Toaster-Omlette,

Find stupid, ignorant people that piss you off and add them to you hit list. If you are having issues then you can take some people of my list. I have too many people on my hit list; it spans twenty page and still counting.

**Dear Florence,**

Okay erm... I'm not sure how to say this but... I have two questions. The first is this CEO hired me to kill this Yugi kid and my sniper rifle is out of ammo and my knife is blunt. Could you recommend a way to kill him and make it look like an accident? The second question is the same CEO invited me out to dinner! What should I wear to impress him?

From Armed and dangerous

Dear Armed and dangerous,

Even though I am the one that is going to kill Yugi, I suggest that you rig an elevator so that it falls when he goes inside it. If you do that everyone will think it was just some freak accident. As for what you should wear to impress this CEO, I haven't the slightest clue; I suppose something that won't make him want to kick you out of the restaurant.

**Dear Yami Bakura and Ryou if he's there:**

**I'm kind of disappointed in you, WHY haven't you killed Mary Sue yet? (You know you want to...) Anyway wanna help me lock Kaiba and Joey in cupboard with a knife and a whip and see who comes out alive? I could even hold bets for it :) Also is your hair natural? Thanks**

YamiBlaze

Dear YamiBlaze,

As much as I want to kill her, it might look too suspicious therefore I'm not going to cause harm to her (yet). I'll happily help with that, it sounds fun. I'm pretty sure Kaiba would be the one to come out alive considering Joey is a bigger idiot and would be too afraid to even touch the knife. Also yes this is my natural hair color.

**Dear Florence,**

I had fun with the firebombing. You sure know your stuff. :) I'll have to think of a nice non-retarded place to rule. Sending people to the hospital is great. But I only like needles when I'm not being treated as a living pin cushion. They're great for injecting various poisons into your enemies' bloodstreams. I've been experimenting.

Can we firebomb the school, too? Preferably with Miss Sue locked inside. And the friendship retards. Hell, let's just bomb everyone in the middle of the day. HOW DARE THEY DENY THE AWESOMENESS OF THIS COLUMN. THEY MUST DIE.

-AxeMurderess

Dear AxeMurderess,

I whole heartedly agree with you about the needles and sending people to the hospital. Yes we can both firebomb the school with everyone locked inside, what day is good for you? People these days just don't appreciate good advice like they used to.

**Dear Florence**

What is your opinion on Eminem? (or slim shady)

Lol I just realized Ryou is like Marshall mathers and your slim shady

Should I try out or football? (I'm a girl)

Half the boys at my school ether can't run or are weird I mean stalkish weird and only a few are really athletic

Dear Ryou

What is your opinion on rap music too?

And why are you still friends with yugi if his alter ego tries to kill yours all the time?

Sincerely mu$iclover

P s thanks for answering all of my questions XP

P s s Marik dresses like a little girl

Dear Musiclover,

You're name reminds me too much of Kesha so I just spelled it how it is supposed to be spelled. I really enjoy listening to a lot of Eminem's songs; he's honestly one of the only rappers I like. Are you good at football? If you suck then don't humiliate yourself and don't bother trying out (actually you should humiliate yourself, it would be funny to watch). If you are good then go for it. Ha yeah Marik does dress like a girl because he secretly is one.

-Florence

Dear mu$iclover,

I like all kinds of music; I think to be a true lover of music you have to like all different kinds of genres of music. I'm friends with Yugi because I have no problem with him; Bakura is the one with the issues. No problem, I love answering people's questions and helping.

-Ryou

**Dear Florence, God of the Shadow Realm,**

Hmm... I'll rule out the people you had minimal contact with. Pegasus is too creepy, you would sooner kill yourself than fall for Yugi or the Pharaoh and Melvin is too bonkers. That leaves Marik and Ryou. Or both. Am I getting warmer? Also, if you need some cheap weaponry, go to an anime convention. They have no qualms about selling a massive steel blade to a teenage girl, so you should have no problems.

Dear Ryou, Angel of Cuteness,

Yum, sounds nice. What is the weirdest thing Bakura has gotten up to that you've had to deal with later?

-Demonhedgehog

Dear Demonhedgehog,

You are possibly getting closer; I'm not going to tell you so you might as well give up trying. Thanks for the heads up about cheap weaponry at anime conventions; I'm going to my first one in January so I now have something to look forward to.

-Florence

The weirdest thing Bakura had gotten up to? Hmm, he has done a lot of strange stuff but there was this one time when him and Marik decided to run around naked during a soccer game, which made life interesting for a while.

-Ryou

**Dear All The Random Idiots Reading This,**

I would say go to Hell, but Hell doesn't accept idiots for some stupid reason. So please just go to the core of the earth and get crushed by the gravity. Thank you.

Dear Florence,

Do you play Team Fortress 2. If so, what's your favorite weapon in the game? And if you could have any weapon from Team Fortress 2, what would it be? Now if you need me, I need to shoot people full of darts from this handy gun. *Takes out The Overdose*.

-Talow Rosine

Dear Talow Rosine,

I've never heard of Team Fortress 2 but it sounds interesting. Have fun shooting people, it's a great way to relieve stress.

**Dear sweet guy,**

Glad I was able to help! Now I must know do you like cake or pie better?

Angel7698

Dear Angel7698,

Well the cake is a lie but I like both pie and cake a lot, especially since you all send me numerous sweets all the time.

**Dear Master of Evil,**

Have you seen/read Harry Potter? Voldemort is so strange and just a wannabe compared to you. What do you think about the dimensional theory that states each choice you make creates another dimension? Do you believe that you really went back to your Egypt or you created an alternate dimension? What do you think would happen if all fan girls suddenly became afflicted by common sense?

Ryou

Hi, do you think you could control the me. Ring? Wouldn't that be interesting...

Bleachfan462

p.s. Bakura I feel that more people should join the evil plot to make you fat so here is a chocolate cheesecake with strawberries on top and whipped cream. But to make up for joining the plot here is a big red button with 'do not push' on it. I stole it from a big white house in d.c. aim well and enjoy

Dear Bleacfan462,

I read all the Harry Potter books and I agree, I am a lot better than him in every way possible. I believe I really went back to Egypt. I suppose the dimension theory could be true but I think I would like some evidence to help support that theory before I believe it. If fan girls had common sense, fan girls would become extinct. As for the question for Ryou, he is too weak; he could never over power me for control of the ring. I appreciate the button; I forgive you all for this conspiracy to make me fat.

As soon as Bakura finished typing his column he printed out a copy of the letter Miss Hinata wrote and headed towards Miss Sue's office. "I really don't want to talk to this woman. I might _accidently_ act on my homicidal tendencies." He muttered as he walked.

"As much as it pains you, I would at least _try_ to act civil. Just give her the letter and talk to her about why you and these people need the column. Whatever you do, do not threaten her." Ryou replied from his soul room.

"I make no promises." Bakura said as he stood in front of Miss Sue's door. He knocked a few times and waited for her.

The ever happy Miss Sue opened the door with a huge smile. "Oh Ryou! How are you?" She asked as she stepped aside to let him in her office. When Bakura stepped in her office he immediately wanted to leave. Every wall, chair, picture, everything was covered in unicorns. Pink. Fluffy. Unicorns. Bakura had to suppress a shudder as he sat down on a pink chair; it was one of the few times in his life that he was disturbed.

"Miss Sue I'm here to talk about my column." He finally said after a minute or two of silence.

"Ah yes I thought you might want to talk about that. Well I'm sorry but we are already in the process of replacing it with another column." She with what Bakura thought was a smirk. He handed her a letter.

"Will you just look at this, please?" He said, remembering to act like Ryou. She began to read the letter while Bakura glanced around the room; he stared at a portrait of a unicorn. "_It looks like it's staring into my soul_." He thought.

"I see." Miss Sue said as she looked up from the letter and stared at Bakura.

"So what's the verdict?" He asked while he plotted many ways to kill her and torture her if she said that she is still cancelling the column.

"You're column is being put on probation. Meanwhile you will have to accommodate the columnist we already had lined up to replace. I'm pretty sure Mr. Ishtar will have no problem helping you give advice." Miss Sue said with a smile and Bakura was both relieved and annoyed that Marik was going to be intruding on his column from now on.

**A/N: Again thank you guys so much for the reviews!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh **

Ryou Bakura sat at his desk, typing furiously away on his laptop. He was already surprised that the spirit hadn't already come out of whatever hole he was in to yell at Ryou for what he was doing. It wasn't like Ryou was doing anything wrong, in fact it was just the opposite, it would probably (hopefully) bring smiles to peoples' faces. He was of course updating the school's advice column.

"_Alright it's been twenty minutes with no interruptions, so far so good. Maybe he decided to let me off easy for the holidays either that or he's messing around with Marik."_ Ryou thought to himself with a smile. Little did he know that just like some poorly written sitcom after voicing his concerns they would inevitably come happen.

"What in Ra's name are you doing?" Bakura barked gruffly behind Ryou causing the smaller and more innocent of the two to jump.

"Um just answering some questions for school?" Ryou replied which technically wasn't a lie.

"You're working on that advice column! I told you to forget about it, we have a lot more to deal with like the morons and card games!" Bakura yelled causing Ryou to flinch.

"Look, I'm sorry but it's the holidays! I thought that after a year of neglecting them the readers should get something! They didn't deserve your abrupt quitting of the column! You never even gave an explanation and I know it is more than just 'card games'!" Ryou surprisingly shouted back, getting frustrated.

"That's it. I thought that you could handle a few days without screwing something up but obviously I was wrong, I'm taking over." Bakura growled and with that Ryou went in his soul room.

Ryou didn't mind being in his soul room, he was used to it by now but he was disappointed with himself that he couldn't get the advice column done.

-BW-BW-BW-BW-BW-BW-

A few hours after taking over his light's body again and after some much needed tea, and an episode of _Sherlock _Bakura sat at the computer desk and opened up the laptop. _"I might as well see what the brat was up to." _After a few minutes of reading the questions something magical happened. Bakura smiled and started typing.

**Dear Florence,**

My older sister has been picking fights with me for the most ridiculous reasons. Just recently she claims I make a mess when all I do is leave a bowl in the sink to soak. I very much want to hit her but I don't want to make things worse. What should I do?

** - Zukofan2005**

Dear Zukofan2005,

Hire someone to kill her? Don't leave bowls in the sink? Though I don't think that hitting her will make things worse, I always find that hitting people makes things better for me.

**Dear Florence,**

Mary Sue's office sounded awful! *shudders* But at least the unicorns weren't dancing on rainbows like in the songstowearpantsto song. Also, next Thursday is good for the firebombing. Lousy frigging ingrates...

Dear AxeMurderess,

I looked up that song for some strange reason after reading this and all I have to say is what the bloody hell did I just listen to? I think my ears are bleeding, that person will not be waking up tomorrow.

-Bakura****

Dear Marik,

If you ruin this column, I will hunt you down. And no you (this includes Melvin) can't join in with any destructive activities Florence and I plan. You annoy me. Nothing personal, but your voice grates on my nerves.

-AxeMurderess

Dear AxeyMurderessy,

Why does everyone think I am going to ruin this column?! I am the best friggin part of the column hence why Ms. Sue asked me to help Kitty! As to your destructive plans, I don't need you guys! I have my army of Steves.

-Marik

**Dear Marik, **

**Do you have feelings for a certain white haired thief? I'm not mentioning names, so you can be honest with us!**

**-Candy**

Dear Candy,

I do have feelings for someone with white hair, I don't know if he's a thief or not though.

-Marik

**Dear Florence,**

What's your favorite way to torment all the fangirls there is in the world. Also, what's your favorite way to kill said fangirls.

-Talow Rosine

P.S: *Headshots a random idiot with the crusader's crossbow*

Dear Talow Rosine,

I like those annoying bitchy fangirls with my sexiness. I can't decide on a favorite way to kill fangirls or people in general, there's just so many options.

-Bakura

**Dear Florence,**

So who's on your hit list? Do I have permission to kill and/or seriously maul them?

Dear Marik,

Have you ever stabbed someone while not being controlled by your yami?

- Toaster-Omlette

Dear Toaster- Omlette,

Who isn't on my hit list? I guess I could give you the top five names: the Pharaoh, Justin Beiber, Tea, Joey, and Marik. The Pharaoh is mine to kill/maul but I'll allow you to do whatever you want to the other four.

-Bakura

Dear Toaster- Omlette,

I don't think so- oh wait there was that one time. Some jerk once cut me in line at GameStop so I did the logical thing and stabbed him.

-Marik

Dear Bakurararararara (That's so much fun to say XD)

How do you feel about sharing this column with Marik? Personally I think it might be a bit... conflicting.

P.S Thanks for the weapons advice! But now I think I might need some advice on how to remove very red stains from very white carpeting...

**Dear IcyShadows,**

**Considering my neglect of this column and the fact that Marik ran away to 'find Candy Mountain" it hasn't been conflicting. Surprisingly, Marik (or rather his other yami) doesn't get on my nerves as much as some people. As for the carpet stains, maybe Bleach?**

**-Bakura**

Dear Ryou,

Have you ever had to clean up one of Bakura's "messes" aka murder scenes? If so, were you ever found by the police while cleaning up?

**Too many times have I had to clean up after him but I haven't been found by the police, it'd be too much of a 'burden' according to Bakura so the few times I've been close to getting caught he has helped me out.**

**-Ryou**

Dear Marik,

How's Melvin?

-IcyShadows

He's been peachy, I think it's because he slaughtered ten people this morning because they gave him mangoes instead of apples.

-Marik

**Dear god and ruler of earth for all eternity, (who should not only get a top hat, but the pharaoh's head on an effin silver platter),**

*gives Ryou creampuffs* See? I promised you creampuffs, didn't I?

Ryou first again-

Yes, MySims is defiantly different than the Sims series. They still talk in gibberish though, and have interactions and stuff. But the game is...cutesy. Thinking about it now, Bakura might only play this series because he can be mean to the chibi Sims. Lol. Also...uh...

...do you like cocoa krispies? :p

Dear YumiStar,

Thank you for the creampuffs! And that's very interesting about the MySims, I'm going to have to purchase it because it sounds fun. Also yes, I really like cocoa krispies.

**Now Bakura-**

Have you ever played the game "The World Ends With You"? Personally, I'm still collecting the effing pins. Though I'm an Esp'er rank of Fallen Angel. If you haven't played, I think you might like it. It's, for a lack of a better word, different. I suggest it, if you own a DS that is. 

I've never heard of that game but the world will indeed end with me. I'll look into it and maybe make Ryou buy it for me.

-Bakura

Thief King Akefia-

I can't give you stuff if your hiding. :( You deserve stuff, too!

Uh...that's it, I guess.

From your loyal fan, who dare not stalk you,

-YumiStar 

**Bakura,**

Yes! If random things starts blowing up don't be alarmed, also I found a muzzle for a person in my ahhh... closet of tools; do you want it for Marik?

Glad you like the muffins!

-SilentInsanity

Dear SilentInsanity,

Hmm, Yes I think I will take the muzzle, you never know when you're going to need a muzzle for someone. Thanks.

-Bakura

**Dear Florence,**

What would happen if Marik got a hold of the 333 Ways to get kicked out of Wal-Mart, and dragged you there with him?

Dear Sailor Blaze the Uxie,

Nothing because there is no way that that nit-wit could drag me anywhere. Even if he could it'd just end up being like a bad fanfiction.

-Bakura (Btw I like your profile picture)

**Dear Marik Sebastian Ishtar III,**

YOU ARE TEH AWESOMEZ. (glomp) I want to write a fic, but I don't have any good ideas for plot lines. Have any ideas?

Finally someone appreciates my awesome! Thank you kind lady! As for ideas for a story, how about I drag Bakura to Wal-Mart with my copy of 333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart. Best. Story. Ever.

Your new best friend,

Marik

**Dear Ryou-kun & Touzuko-ou,**

Ryou - My condolences about your sister Amane and your mother. Does your father even know about Touzuko-ou at all or have you just decided he'll find out eventually and don't wish to explain it to him?

Dear the Alice with the Blood and Knife Fetish,

Thank you for your kindness. My father does not know about Touzuko-ou, he's always traveling and I barely get to see him which is a blessing because I don't want him to know. I don't wish to explain the situation to him and I'm afraid of what Touzuko-ou would do.

-Ryou

**Touzuko-ou - My condolences about your village Kul Elna/Kuru Eruna, I really do loathe Aknadin/Ankhenaden for that not to mention he's a bit creepy. How bitchy is Zork/Zorc anyways?**

You're not as annoying as I first thought you were going to be. Sigh, unfortunately for me Zorc is incredibly bitchy, if I didn't need him for some of my plans I would find a way to get rid of him.

-Touzuko-ou

**Both - Have either of you read some of the Harry Potter & Yu-Gi-Oh crossovers?**

Ryou: No, I might look into them though.

Touzuko-ou: Do I look like I read fanfiction? What the bloody hell is a Harry Potter anyways?

**P.S. Marik, Melvin do please shove off. It's Ryou-kun's and Touzuko-ou's time for some screen time, not your's. Please go back to guarding the tomb like you're supposed to.**

**Dear Agony Aunt,**

I believe that the school uniform is too slutty and too small because I was walking home, it must have been about six months ago, and this guys comes up to me... I don't really remember what happened after that, but now the uniform has become really small because my tummy has gotten really big.

What has happened? Am I pregnant? If I am, what should I do?

From, SLUT

Dear SLUT?

I have to admit, I'm slightly baffled by this submission. First of all who is Agony Aunt? I know that you lot usually come up with stupid 'nick names' for me like 'Kitty', 'Fluffy', and 'Supreme Overlord' (though I do enjoy that one) but Agony Aunt? What is that suppose to mean? As for your erm question, I'm afraid that you are most likely pregnant and should probably get that checked out.

-For the first time in my life, a baffled Bakura 

**Dear Bakura,**

**Is there really that number of violent people in this school, because I'm starting to freak out when I walk down the corridor and people stare at me?**

Also, if everyone who is totally mad knows who you are, why are you still a loner/hang around with that Yugi-lot? I would have thought that you would be surrounded by a group of murderers/torture-freaks/basically-insane-people.

Err... I think I've rambled long enough. Just one note to Marik: you know where the door is. Let's see if you have walk through it (though judging by your level of IQ that may be a problem).

Here from you soon,

A reviewer

Dear reviewer,

To answer your first question, yes apparently the school is filled with people who have psychotic/murderous/deranged thoughts and that makes me happy. So yes you should be afraid when people stare at you in the hallways, they are most likely plotting your death. I'm still a loner because I hate everyone and I hang around Yugi's stupid gang because I need information from them sometimes. As for Marik, he's a bit tied up for the moment. He kept telling me about the One Direction concert he went to and I got fed up and but the muzzle on him.

-Bakura

**Dear God of All Things Evil/Soon to be Ruler of the World**

I stole like Three Millennium Items , I even got the buzzle and the rod , and still nothing, oh and I'm sending the rod and puzzle to you so you can destroy or use them , oh and there's cherry pie coming with it.

P.S. Stole other half of Wal-Mart, and am constantly wearing a trench coat and have dyed hair crazy spiky colors, still Nada.

P.P.S. I like Applesauce

P.P.P.S. I will be breaking down your door and entering the school room you are in in 3...2...1... *BOOOM* Enter: SUPA AWESOME RED HAIRED FAUXHAWK TEEN!

Dear Guy Who Shot Kaiba,

I'm too lazy to spell check your submission so I'm glad that you got the 'buzzle' but I'm sorry to inform you that it is not a Millennium Item. Although have fun with whatever a buzzle does. I got the cherry pie but Marik still has his rod and it was never stolen so you lied. As for the second part, congrats on stealing Wal-Mart and liking applesauce?

My door is still intact so again you lied.

White hair is better.

-Bakura

**Dear Florence**

I'm dating this person, but my friends say that there a psychopath. I can't see it what should I do?

Love

The voices told me to

Dear the voices told me to,

Keep dating them, see what happens.

-Bakura

**Dear Florence**

Why are fangirls so scary . . . and stupid? -.-'

Pure Evil

Dear Pure Evil,

Fangirls are so scary because they someone or something to become obsessed with and they go overboard with it. They are so stupid because they waste all their time fawning over a fictional character.

-Bakura

**Dear Bakura,**

**Hey I was looking at what you put for that insane girl that wants to kill you for whatever reason and you said that Ryou's dating someone. Is-is he dating you?**

-Just wondering

Dear Just Wondering,

Possibly, why would I tell any of you?

-Bakura

**Dear Bakura,**

**De'Ja: Oh and I wanted to give you some cookies, you know, as a piece offering and all. Oh and how would you like some swords and, uh, ok I have no idea what to call these things but you put them on you hands and they turn into finger knives ? (I guess) and I hope you don't mind the blood on the silver sword because I use that on my maker. mostly BECAUSE SHE LET THAT 10 YEAR OLD FUCKING MUT WATCH ME! What the hell man? What. The fucking. Hell? Well any way, enjoy the cookies and weapons and stuff.**

Destiny: Oh and the story is now going to take place in Eygipt. You know, back when you weren't as pale as I don't know what.

- From De'Ja who is still sorry and just write De'Ja in the reply.

This is from Me:PS: Ya I forgot to mention that the first time she wrote to you she was also drunk, thanks to D'J who tapped her drink. Well at least she was sending hate mail and not blowing stuff up. I mean it's funny, but I hate cleaning the mess up.

Dear De'Ja,

Or whoever the hell you are. This was one of five submissions and I still have no clue what in Ra's name I just read. This almost makes Twilight look good, which takes skill. As for whatever fanfiction you kept asking about (thought it's probably too late now) sure go for it.

-Bakura

**Dear Bakura,**

**Are you openly gay?**

**-Seabreeze**

Dear Seabreeze,

I'm not gay, I'm just British.

-Bakura

**Dear Florence**

I read that you are taken. Is it by Marik? Because I totally ship you two! And if it's not him then who is it?

Love from Thiefshipping-fangirl

Dear Thiefshipping-fangirl,

You're a fangirl so you should be happy I'm gracing you with a reply. I'm not telling you but I do have better taste then to date the likes of Marik.

-Bakura

**Dear Florence,**

I'm planning to take over the world, any tips? Also do you want to be in charge of a particular country if so tell me which one, the U.K, America, Australia, Italy and china are all taken by the way.

Yours manically, Desdemona

Dear Desdemona,

I will not share my tips for taking over the world unless I can rule the U.K, America, Japan, and Sealand.

-Bakura

**Dear Bakura,**

**Why don't you just send Sue to the shadow realm? You've done it before to bullying teachers and have yet to get caught.**

**-Bleachfan**

Dear Bleachfan,

That would be too easy, I have something planned for Ms. Sue.

-Bakura

**Dear Florence or is it Bakura? Anyway you ever feel like you're having a shitty day and then magically it became better and then some.**

My girlfriend cheated on me with my bro I got pissed didn't know what to do so I punched the wall. What do you recommend for cheating girlfriends?

So I took off ditched the last day of school and rode my motorcycle out of that joint a couple miles in I saw this girl riding the crap out of her motorcycle and it broke down on her normally I would have laughed at her but I was feeling pitiful so I fixed her bike for her and as I found out she was really beautiful like Victoria secret super model beautiful prettier than my old girlfriend but she looked young I'd say 16 somewhere along the line we ended up getting lunch and we spoke got know each other ,small world as it turned out same thing happened to her then we hooked up that has to be a record right dumped at 11am new girlfriend by 2pm

And I really like this girl maybe even love her cause she sweet in her own way and she has to be the coolest girl I know she loves weapons and violent video games and has a very unique personality that's Yi Nok for ya.

Here is where I need advice how do I get all these guys off Yi Nok I know she's the only pretty not a bitch around where I live how do I get these guys t step off my girlfriend and not get arrested by the cops oh and her ex keeps bothering us and his skank.

I don't understand how could anyone trade away Yi Nok for a skank and that skank isn't even loyal she keeps hitting on me that's another thing how do I legally get rid of that skank cause I know I can't just take her to the woods with a rusty machete and silence the skank and her friendship speeches

Her parents like me that's weird it's probably because I started my own auto shop and can provide and unknown to most of the things I do seem like a good influence which is more than I can say for Yi Nok's friends those bitches hate me try to get to break up with me all the time don't even know why.

**-Shiro**

Dear Shiro,

Are you seriously asking me for 'legal' ways of handling the problems? Ah well it is Christmas so maybe I will give you some advice. Make it obvious to the friendship bitch that you are not interested, I'm not sure how you'll manage it but if all else fails the rusty machete will look good. Screw it, just kill everyone.

-Bakura

**Dear Kura-Kitty,  
If I decided to walk up to you and pet you behind the ears, would you purr?  
That would be sweet.  
Also, I killed Tea (Anzu or whatever the EFF you people call her) because she was preaching to me about friendship. Do you have any suggestions of where to hide her body?  
Have you ever texted a random stranger saying, 'okay boss, I got rid of the body. What do I do now?'? It is hilarious! ;)  
And get with Ryou or Marik already. Seriously, you need to get laid. Don't deny your inner gayness  
How do you get that chocolate statue of you away from the fangirls? I have already used a chainsaw and a knife, but they didn't work.  
Why Florence? Now, that's a gay name. If you say you aren't gay, and then change the name Florence. It's been bugging me for a while.  
Hate, Blood, and Knives,  
Pharaoh Silver**

Dear Pharaoh Silver,

If you tried or even thought about petting behind my ears I would kill you in the worst way possible. The ocean? Sewer? Closet? Ditch? Hide her body anywhere, I don't care if you get caught or not. I haven't texted that to a stranger but the idea is tempting. Who says I haven't been getting laid? I got the chocolate statue away from them because I'm obviously magic. Florence is an awesome name.

-Bakura

A/N: So I'm baaaaackkkkk. Seriously people I love you, I've been smiling the past three hours because I forgot how awesome this story is, thank you.


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm going to ohayocon tomorrow and cosplaying as Bakura so I thought I'd update today. I love you people and your reviews. Keep them coming!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh**

**Ryou,**

Scenario Question: Say you have this friend who has the task of turning a vehicle around in their yard to load for an outing. She just received her learner's permit and her brother is told to stay inside for his safety. He doesn't listen and decides to play runway attendant. Anyways, this friend has two choices; hit the solid cinder-block shed or her baby-brother (He was like 14 at the time). What would you do? And how would you explain your choice to your guardian?

PhantomBrat

For Bakura and Marik:

I pulled the most awesome prank ever! I got this guy back for scaring me. He made the mistake of telling me that he loved Reeses Pieces and was scared of spiders. I used a plastic spider and hid it in a bag of said candy. When he saw that I was eating his favorite candy, I took the opportunity to pour some into his hands, making sure that he got the spider as well! It was priceless! One second, he was like 'Ooh free candy!', the next, the candy was all over the floor and he was like three feet away. What was your greatest prank, and do you have any suggestions that won't hurt anyone physically?

PhantomBrat

Dear PhantomBrat,

That's a tough scenario. I'd probably hit the shed rather than risk injuring a younger sibling. I'd try to explain the situation as best as I could to my guardians, hoping that they'd have a bit of understanding that I was trying to protect my brother. Good question.

-Ryou

**Dear whoever the hell answers**

Remind me to shoot the fanbases later. with a grenade launcher... or a flat out nuke. also, what do you think of a show that recently came out that has everyone going nuts over it?

-Talow Rosine.

Dear Talow Rosine,

Can I help shoot some fanbases with a grenade launcher? While I like some and admit I am a part of a few, others are just annoying. Also I don't watch TV, I play children's card games so I'm afraid I don't know what show you're referring to.

-Bakura

**Dear Ryou and Bakura,  
I'm a psycho but I can't get my family to be glad of who I am what do I do? Also here is some advice for you Ryou in case someone bullies you.  
1: Call me and let me 'HUG' them  
2: Rip their throats off and cut them in half until their corpses are shredded in pieces, (and probably go to their houses and murder their families)  
3: Talk it out (if however they don't listen do the same as 2)  
How would you two react with a fem. Bakura?  
Here have gummies!  
Go die,  
animechick9000**

Dear Animechick9000,

Try to talk to them about your feels, communication is key. As for your advice to me… well Bakura likes it but I don't really have any bullies anyway and I'm very passive so no ripping people's throats out. A "fem. Bakura"? Well if he was a female I'd hope he'd be maybe gentler? Not the evil spirit I have to deal with now.

Thanks for the gummies,

Ryou

**Dear Ryou and Bakura,  
Sherlock is an amazing series and you guys are awesome for liking it. **

**For Ryou,**

**How are things with you and your yami? Have you guys gotten together yet? I've heard all about you guys on the net.**

**For Bakura,  
How many people would you put in your list of people you want to kill right now?  
From,  
Karein the awesome one**

**Dear Karein the awesome one,**

**Things are as normal as they can be with my Yami, he still tells me that he hates me and I'm a worthless brat but I think he cares somewhere inside. There's stuff about us on the Interent?**

**-Ryou**

**Dear Karein,**

**Too many to list.**

**-Bakura**

**Hi awesome ones ( Marik if he's still here),**

**This year has been pretty good, but then there's school which was shit.  
There are twenty-six people in my class and I can get along with only about five of them.  
My name's meanings are princess and spiritual, and because of this I get picked on a lot, even though it's obvious the former is not a fitting name for me (if I am able to cosplay a Norse god in the form of an insane 10 year old with purple hair and red eyes, HELL NO its not!) and come up with stupid nicknames and then call me a dumbass( one of the idiots actually called ME a dumbfu*k in class!) and there are two nicknames the main dickhead calls me;  
Myer (that's how he pronounces it) Shananay(from the year before and Shane Dawson inspired) princess turtle-face, -last at one point a narutard brought a bunch of Naruto fanart he d**** school and after a while he pointed to a picture of Itachi and said I was him so I shouted, across the table from him **

**"I'M NOT A WEASEL!" and the main dickhead started calling me one for about a month till I got him confused in ICT because i mumbled a quote from something he didn't understand. Also, I started calling a guy fluffy (to try and piss him off because he wouldn't leave me alone) and some guys who were my friends at the start of the year started saying I was calling him that because his 'drapes' (we'll call em that, kay?) were fluffy...thing is I can't stand the guy and now they won't leave me alone...also, I am (seriously) a bit of what i'll call a Closet Fangirl of all 3 Bakurae (is that the plural for it?) and the character i can apparently cosplay [WHY DO I ALLWAYS LIKE THE SLIGHTLY INSANE ONES!? Ryou, help me, you understand me, right?] and people always call me crazy because I'm a lot different to others, but if I am like how I was in grade 1 (yeah shit started happening to me by the time i was 8...) I'd be at the same Innocence level as Ryou and way too naive for my own good. (a bitch tried to tell me she was a cheetah ,bear, Hyena ect. but that's where I draw the FUCKING LINE!)  
People call me crazy, I tell them I'm insane, and without my friends I've made through cosplay, I probably would be on the verge of it. Life Sucks , I know that and apparently NO ONE IN MY RA DAMNED CLASS DOES!  
PLEASE HELP ME THROUGH A SHIT LIFE!  
-KuroHikari**

Dear KuroHikari,

People are incredibly stupid, you humans have to be the dumbest lot I've ever met. The people you described in your letter are a shining example of why I hate the world. Being different is good, it's fun and crazy and you can't let idiots like that make you feel down. Keep being who you are and if all else fails I'll hunt them down. **(A/N: cosplaying is amazing! Yay for a fellow cosplayer!)**

**-**Bakura

**Dear Florence,**

I need a topic of expository writing. :D Do you have any good ideas? My teacher prefers topics that are not about death. :P I tried to give some ideas but, they all included death so she said I couldn't use them.

-Skye

Dear Skye,

The evils of writer's block, unicorns, why ducks will one day take of the universe, or children card games. I don't really have any useful idea that doesn't involve torture, death, and blood. Lots of blood.

-Bakura

**Dear Flo & Ryou**

Congrats on the prohabition, and if I may, I have some suggestions, then some questions.

First, unicorns are awesome when they are really unicorns not sickening fakes. Try making Ms Sue's unicorns more real by turning them black with fangs. And have considered public humiliation. Break their spirit and then their bodies.

Second, some fangirls out there do have common sense, and those are the most dangerous, so you may want to stop lumping all fangirls together and then insulting them all. As for reasons why they exist, I know a good one. Sexual repression, only way they can let it out with all the sheeple out there.

And now for questions. First, know any ways to intimidate people withOUT causing harm? After all, I do love my annoying little brothers.

Second, do you Yugi-oh people have to monologue ALL the time. It gets old and SOOO predictable [though you do do that the least of all of them].

Third, how do you make bombs out of household materials.

Fourth, can I have the Millennium Scales? I want to summon and release some pretty creatures on the sheeple.

Anyway, good luck, and have fun with Ryou,  
Roehemo

Dear Roeherno,

Thanks for the suggestions, I didn't read them but thanks for the thought I suppose. As for your questions:

First: Be mean, emotionless and just glare at people. That usually works for me.

Second: Yes, it's unfortunately in our contracts though the friendship freak over does it.

Third: Google it, I don't want to reveal my secrets.

Fourth: No.

-Bakura

**Dear Bakura  
How many different methods of killing can you do at the same time? I mean you are the supreme overload of killing so I'll bet it's a lot. I would love to see it but meh.  
Dear Ryou, have you ever considered just giving in and becoming a psycho like the rest of the world, it could be fun. Here's some cream puffs. Or is there an angel/devil forbidden thing going on?  
Dear Marik and Melvin bugger off, we're here for Bakura and Ryou not you.**

Dear BlazeSnow,

Seven is the most I've done at one time so far.

-Bakura

I've thought about it maybe once but I like being the good guy. It's who I am and I don't want to change. As for Marik, he ran off somewhere so I wouldn't worry about him. Thanks for the creampuffs.

-Ryou

**Again, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH. Review! **


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